I DID IT!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
I DID IT!
6
Mon, 04-11-2005 - 8:06pm
So i was here earlier in the week saying I would stay friends with my exMM..and email.
Thought we really should because we've known each other since highschool, and it just seemed ok. I was truly ok with it, and could have stayed with just friendly emails until I received an email from him today that proved me wrong. To sum up in a nutshell he has spent four years professing his love for me, only to turn around and say "Oh sorry I can't do it. Can't meet you because---".. and I'd walk away from this, knowing I couldn't keep playing these games, and he'd later reel me right back in with the same words, and promises..Now granted, he was having an affair-and that is wrong to begin with in some eyes- but to add to that, he was lying to me, and just leading me on for far too long. I stupidly let it happen as well..so in today's email he said some things like he wondered what i was looking for (as if I was looking for an affair which isn't true- I would have never done this, it was just that he and I had quite a past together and i was still so drawn to him)..But he referred to it, as if I was the one looking for something,--as if he were some innocent bystander. And he said that he was lately going through the motions hoping I'd figure out that he'd never really be able to see me. (Yep just two weeks ago he told me again he'd see me only to change his tune a few days later). The entire four years he would set me up for believing in him only to have him pull the rug out from under me..over and over. In a nutshell, suffice it to say that his email to me today-had me just burning up.. it was filled with stupid things, that totally contradicted things he's said in the past. I just got fed up..and told him i wanted no more contact. I blocked his email account. I will NEVER EVER speak to him again. I am done being his fantasy girl that he strings along with lies..he can stay faithful to his drunken wife and deal with her for the next 40 years..I have no more pity for him whatsoever. I'm FINALLY DONE. Free will be happy for me lol. She was right. No Contact..is the only way to go..in my case now as well. Now the work comes of getting myself back..and not craving an email from him (because I'm so used to them..and that part of the addiction, has been a constant)..
I will never let him reel me in again.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2005
In reply to: lealavendar
Mon, 04-11-2005 - 8:55pm

Lea

I am HAPPY for any of the folks that post here that make the decisions that will lead to there ultimate long term happiness, not that make and sticking to these decisions is easy but they do pay dividends in the years and dacades to come.

It would be nice to be able to keep some sort of friendly relationship with the AP if your single but when your married it more often then not just hinders making the needed decisions and taking what actions need to be taken to deal with your marriage one way other the other.

It is had to look at your spouse honestly and fairly when your affections are elsewere.

Reset assured the fun has just begun, GOOD LUCK.

Free

Avatar for jennlynnk
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2003
In reply to: lealavendar
Mon, 04-11-2005 - 9:00pm

You did it. congratulations..you go girl. You keep that frame of mind :)

jen

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: lealavendar
Mon, 04-11-2005 - 9:08pm
Thank you Jenn and Free. I'm keeping that frame of mind- just need to now get past the vengeful frame of mind. I'm so fed up that I keep thinking of things I'd do to get back at him, though i will never do them. I'm just going thru that "angry" stage again..angry that I put up with his crap for as long as I did. tomorrow is a new day.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2004
In reply to: lealavendar
Mon, 04-11-2005 - 10:44pm

lea,

thanks for everything, u are an inspiration to me and to all of us

max

still trying to get to where u are

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2004
In reply to: lealavendar
Tue, 04-12-2005 - 6:48am

<<>

Your moods/emotions will fluctuate from day to day, but do your darnest to ride them out WITHOUT caving....no contact guarantees your success. He is/was a habit; a very destructuve one. Your mind and body will appreciate this life-style change, but remember that those withdrawal pangs are all part of the healing process. It takes time for the affair toxins to drain. Good days are forthcoming.

Stay strong,

Id

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: lealavendar
Tue, 04-12-2005 - 7:27am
Thank you Id..I will definitely ride them out..I've done it before actually--although in the past-somehow have always heard from him or vice versa after I thought I was through. That is what I have to be more strong about. NOT engaging with him in any kind of contact from here on out..I am ready.