I did it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
I did it.
19
Fri, 12-25-2009 - 8:22pm

I thought I was doing well - and in all honestly, I am doing well! But I been thinking about what most of you girls have had to say about No Contact. I have always done things 'my way', and 'my way' has gotten me here. If I listened to the girls on MAS, I would have saved myself a lot of pain and heartache.

It's been 2 1/2 weeks of 'No Contact' for me. But, today, I have come to realize on Christmas that I need a new beginning. So I deleted his wife from my myspace contacts. I sent her a nice, very polite e-mail stating that we need to go our separate ways. I thanked her for her generosity and kindness, and apologized for the pain I caused her. But ultimately, I told her we cannot be friends due to the circumstances we met under. I then 'cleaned' my history on my computer so I wouldn't be tempted to spy on his or her profiles.

I then proceeded to delete ALL the text messages I saved from Aug 08' and his pictures. I also deleted her information and his 'old' information. I threw out all the things he gave me (teddy bears, saved rose, used lingerie lol etc..). And I will change my phone number tomorrow (the place is closed today).

*sigh* I apologize for not listening. I kept butting heads thinking 'my way' was going to get me threw it but 'my way' is the 'wrong way'.

99.9% of me hates him. Hate is a strong word for me and I do not use it lightly. But I have so much deep rooted anger and hatred for him. I have not shared half the pain he put me thru - you all know just what I have told you which, unfortunately, is not even half of the story. The other .1% of me is hallow, lonely, feels unlovable and I used to translate this into 'missing him' but that's not what I miss. I'm just hurtin' because I'm 'alone'. So, really its not him I'm missing.

Well, thank you for listening and being there for me even when (as a drug addict) I kept fighting the system and those that wanted the best for me. YOU guys are my friends, NOT him. HE was/is the enemy.

GOD BLESS and MERRY CHRISTMAS to all!

Hope the New Year brings much joy to us all.

Love
Lost

NC since Dec. 9th 2009

No Contact = No N

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
In reply to: llostagain
Fri, 12-25-2009 - 8:47pm

Ohhh, your post made me all vaclempt (that's chocked up in Yiddish :).


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2005
In reply to: llostagain
Fri, 12-25-2009 - 9:04pm

Lost,

wow!! I am so proud of u. So happy for u. I did alot of those things just yesterday. I purged. I fell a few hours ago. But reading this about u...u just have no idea what a pick me up you gave me. U have made me feel good on a day I was fallling down, falling hard. Me n u r over weeks in. We can do this. I know we can. U picked me up today without even meaning to. Thx. N I am so proud of you. U r on ur way...u did so good.

Hang in there. Come here if u need us. I hope I do not have to pick u up anytime soon.... But if u need me I am here. Thanks so much. Keep it going....

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2009
In reply to: llostagain
Fri, 12-25-2009 - 9:20pm

Lost:


You picked me up too.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2004
In reply to: llostagain
Fri, 12-25-2009 - 11:42pm

That is wonderful. I'm soo proud of you too. I havent gotten where you are yet but hopefully one day soon.


Stay strong and You

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2009
In reply to: llostagain
Sat, 12-26-2009 - 12:39am

(((Lost))))


Congratulations! Your decision to go NC is one that we ALL had a hard time accepting...we all thought that maybe it could all still work out somehow if we just hung in there long enough..somehow miraculously we could make this DREADFUL situation better! But the truth is..it only gets worse..and NC is your ticket OUT OF THERE!!! It's the express route..the short cut..and LEAST painful route believe it or not. So ..when you FEEL like breaking NC ...remember that even though you hurt SOOOO much right now..it will ONLY make you hurt worse..and yes..it can ALWAYS hurt worse! Hold on tight to it..dont let it go ..NC is the BEST way out! For all those who have had to endure LC..wow..you are my heros!

"Women can fake orgasms but men can fake entire relationships" -Sharon Stone
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
In reply to: llostagain
Sat, 12-26-2009 - 10:41am

Woman, when you clean house, YOU CLEAN HOUSE! ;-) What a strong "about turn" and I am very proud of you. Listen, we all understand how crazy-glued those rose colored goggles can get sometimes, and ripping them off our faces will hurt like hell, so we just wait it out.

   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2006
In reply to: llostagain
Sat, 12-26-2009 - 9:31pm

Being "alone" is a great time for positive change in life, it's not a bad thing.


Now go to a salon and get nails put on so you can feel good instead of bad for biting.

Onward and upward.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
In reply to: llostagain
Sun, 12-27-2009 - 4:09am

Thanks all!

I'm happy to hear I encouraged so many of you! I think what ultimately 'did' it for me is when his wife posted their Christmas photos on her myspace page and I saw the two of them kissing. I was shocked to see her 'take him' back so quickly. I was disgusted at them, and at myself. They have a dysfunctional life and I do not want any part of it.

I have moved forward - the only way to go. You cannot look back - you have to keep pushing yourself onward.

Deleting and throwing away his crap made me so happy! =) There was a point where I took the scissors and cut off the head on one of the 'used' stuffed animals he gave me. LOL I did this all while crying, but reflecting back too. It was happy tears mixed with sad tears... just looking onward to 2010 and hoping to begin a new life.

NC since Dec. 9th 2009

No Contact = No N

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2005
In reply to: llostagain
Sun, 12-27-2009 - 11:32am

so happy for you, MW usually takes them back within a snap, they have been thru this before time and time again with these MM, mine was not suprised and sounded so non chalant on my D day, it was like she was talking about the weather, there was no inflection in her voice, nothing. that stuff was put there to hurt you...thats why i do not even bother the cyber thing anymore, i will get burned and i know it.....

anyway, enough about them, happy u r doing well, i am doing ok too. purging is good, i did it the other day and it felt amazing....free, Its like wiping the slate clean, feels like your just letting it all go. I am so proud of you and you and I both continue on our journey for us. U got me thru the other night, thanks again.

Get out and do some fun stuff for you...let me know if you need ideas. I been doing all kinds of stuff to get me going. Meeting new people, networking, catching up with old friends, the ones you forgot about when the A was your focus, just so much we can be doing...

keep up the NC...I got here and you can too. I am looking forward to my month, that is my next miles stone, the next is 3 months and by then i am hoping i have already moved on...not that i would have forgotten him all together, but that he simply does not phase me...that is my hope. i am sure by then i will be so much happier and less stressed. I can not wait.

Hopefully you and I will be tweeners before we know it and can just start helping the newbie and chiming in with the vets...best to you and have a great new year...

keep in touch.

and

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
In reply to: llostagain
Sun, 12-27-2009 - 7:13pm

Sienna,


Congrats! You'll have to tell me how good it feels when you reach your '1 month' mark.

NC since Dec. 9th 2009

No Contact = No N

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