I did it and you can too! Really.
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| Sun, 07-18-2004 - 2:32pm |
I was involved with a married man (my boss no less) during all of 2002 and part of 2003. It took me a whole year to get over the affair, and I know I could not have done it without this group. To those of you have have just begun the journey of realizing that your affair is killing you and you have to end it, you've come to the right place. The women (and men) here are extremely kind, warm and supportive. They've all been where you are and they all help each other through the worst times they've known. Stay here and you will regain your freedom, respect and love of life.
For those of you who are single, only when you leave your married partner will you be able to find true love. I know that sounds corny but sometimes when you're involved with a married person you can't possibly imagine that you could love anyone else. Believe me I've been there. I thought MM and I were meant to be together, we fit together so well, he loved me so much, so deeply, so beautifully. I'm sure you all know what I mean. But he was married so it was all illusion and sham. I recently met a wonderful man. He's smart, kind, funny, sexy, handsome and he loves me. Best of all: he's single! Finally! I always prayed it would happen and now it has, and it's really a wow.
I just wanted to offer some encouragement to those of you who are mired in your pain: it does end, and you can be happy again. But you've got to leave the shackles of your impossible affair behind. You can do it. I did it, and it hurt like hell. There were many times when I thought I would die. My heart was mangled beyond repair. And now? Now I'm in love with the most wonderful man I've ever known and I think our marriage will be better because of what I went through and what I learned from the married people here.
To all those who remember me and who helped me through many a distraught weekend (especially Chris and noregretsever) thank you so much. You're in my thoughts and my prayers.
Laura

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Additionally, I agree with you in there are so many lessons to be learned at this board that can be applied to a marriage. I have said many times that as painful as the outcome has been I do not regret the A at all because I have learned SO MUCH about myself and relationships in the processes.
One question to you - does your current boyfriend know about your A? I have debated many times if anything should ever be said should the need arise. I could probably easily get away with never having to talk about it because very few people know. I just feel that the A changed the way that I think and feel about so many things and I owe an explanation.
Congratulations again!!!
Thanks,
Carla
I really needed to read your post this morning. This is my first visit to this board (i've posted at the other A board a few times). I have been in an A for 13 months. It started out as purely sexual and then somehow I let my feelings become involved, as most of us women do.
I must tell you that I've been married a long time, I'm early 40ish and have one teenage child. My husband is a good soul. Very good man, a great father, a great son and friend as well. Has never been abusive to me in any way. Our marriage just became boring I think and instead of me talking to him and letting him know it seemed I was a prime target to fall into the arms of a sweet talking man, who equally seems nice (but still doesn't match up against my husband). I have tried to end it with the OM five times, and because I've let my heart become involved I've had a very hard time walking away.
I'm a Christian and very much know what I have been doing is wrong....but human emotion is strong.
I am going to try my hardest to walk away again. Will you still check in from time to time Laura? I feel like I could use someone to back me up and give those encouraging words that I don't have because God knows no one else knows of what I've been doing.
My biggest challenge is trying to redevelope feelings for my husband. I love him a a lot, but it seems more like a brother. The thought of making love with him saddens me....how sad of a statement is that??
I am so happy to read that you felt a lot of what I'm feeling and you made it through. That gives me hope. I've lost people I love to death, have had major illness in the family, etc.....but this is one thing that eats me alive every single day. The guilt...the desire for another....no respect for myself...the unbelievable sadness. I ask myself daily how in the world did I allow myself into this mess.
Oh well, I guess I just needed to talk this morning and your post was a welcome and encouraging sight for me. Take care Laura and I'm happy you seem to have found your pot at the end of the rainbow!! Take care.
Best of luck to you always and thanks.
~Love
CONGRATULATIONS, Laura!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was so happy to read of the marvelous turn of events in your life.
I wish you and MR. SINGLE a wonderful, loving life.......
AS you said, there is a life after the affair.
And it's WONDERFUL.......and OPEN
There are advantages and disadvantages to telling and not telling. I'd say it's probably better to wait until you feel safe with someone to tell them about your romantic past. How are you doing? Have you left your affair behind yet?
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