I DID IT...and was pleasantly surprised!
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| Wed, 09-15-2004 - 8:39am |
I was planning to take it slow and erase most of the juicy ones and keep a few friendly ones until I was ready, and I was also planning to NOT TORTURE MYSELF BY READING THEM ALL.
Guess what- I did it. There were a few that made me feel nostalgic, but for the most part they confirmed that I have had blinders on this whole time. I read those emails and saw a man who was somewhere between a friend an an aquaintance (we were never tell-each-other-everything/call-me-when-something-good-happens friends but always really liked one another and had fun when we did run into each other)who never wanted to know my inner-most thoughts and desires, but was attracted to me and probably sensed it was mutual and wanted to get me into bed. He never lied, always told me he believed that it was ok to play around as long as the H and GF never knew, and as long as it didn't get emotional. He ended things when he thought I was getting too emotional, and he started things up when he thought I had cooled down enough to put out a little. AND he never respected me enough to stay away (or off the sex subject anyway) after I ended things.
So there you go. I did it. I deleted every single last email I ever received from him AND the ones I had in my sent folder. Even the ones from 2 years ago that I kept just because we were friends and they were funny work-related commentary. Every one. I wouldn't recommend rehashing those old emails, BUT in my case they opened my eyes to what it really was and that shine of nostalgia really started fading. Like True said, I think I will try to edit the last few months out of my work friendship with him. He never gave it much thought, so why should I?
Confession, though...I was so strong over the weekend and Monday because I felt in control. I had everything planned out that I wanted to say when he contacted me to get together at that work thing. I've heard not one peep from him, which isn't unusual I guess. He always disappears for weeks and emails when he wants something. I am feeling a little "why hasn't he emailed?" though. :( Sigh...baby steps.


I hear ya. I owned several pair. Different colors for different days of the week :) BUT, GOOD FOR YOU! What a bold start to a strong end. I am very proud of you. No point in my deleting emails since I have to see dipsh*t every day. I do have a confession though....
I have 3 binders, 1.5 inches thick, that document EVERY EMAIL, EVERY ENCOUNTER, EVERY INSTANT MESSAGE we wrote over a 4 year period. Talk about obsessive behavior...after sex, I would always sit down at the computer and write, detail by sordid detail. Why? Beats me. Maybe as some kind of proof that it really happened? Funny, but now (TODAY) and all the last todays since ending, all I want to do is erase these pain in the butt memories.
DANG, guess I do have an evil side. Naw....it's called "Self Preservation." Who else do I have to count on??? MY FRIEND FOR LIFE EX? Hahahah!!! I am getting VERY close to doing the dumpster dance on those binders. I noticed though that by reading my collection of "You gotta be kidding", how much I have trangressed from "Bimbo" to "B*tch" throughout this experience. Keeps me on the right side of the road!
Hang tough Lily. Like you said, baby steps. It took me over 5 months before I was able to just say "NO!"
Love ya,
~True~
Edited 9/15/2004 9:47 am ET ET by b_true_2_yourself
At away Lily.
Free
(And True -- you do have a valid reason to hang onto at least some of your documentation, in case things would ever take a turn for the bad in your work situation.)
Now have ya emptied the recycle bin, too?!
Wishing you strength & peace,
Posie
:)
Thanks for checkin' on me!
XOXO
You go girl :)
Wishing you strength & peace,
Posie