I did it...I think

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2004
I did it...I think
15
Wed, 10-06-2004 - 2:05pm
hey everyone.

You may have read my post yestersay in which I told you I would be ending my A of four months that day, here's what happened.

OM came by to give me a ride to the bar in which we were meeting mutual friends for drinks. On any other night like this, we would've met up an hour earlier than everyone else and talked/kissed etc. I was planning to use our extra hour to have a good talk and end things.

Things started badly when he was almost an hour late and I knew we wouldn't have time to talk other than on the way to the bar which was twenty minutes away.

We were in his car and somehow I just couldn't think of how to say 'it's over'. Just as I was about to give up and end it another time, my cellphone rings. It was H. My god that just had to be a sign!

So I took a deep breath and told him that it had become too hard for me to continue this relationship and to my utter astonishment he says,

'If this is too hard we can stop it, you know I'll respect whatever decision you make'

!!!!!!

No tears, no tantrums, not even an awkward silence.

By this time we had arrived at the bar where our friends were (who have no idea about the A). We stayed a few hours, drank talked and had a good time. He went home and An Hour later my DH came to give me a ride home.

The evening went really well. It was great to be just friends again. I didn't even feel that attracted to OM anymore.

I couldn't have expected a better outcome to this situation.

I recieved an I.M from OM about an hour ago. He said thats he's going to call me later to talk properly about last night. He seemed positive and friendly. He said that it seems as though H and I are starting over and he's glad he wont be a distaction for me anymore.

I really think this may work out.

H and I are talking and OM and I still seem to be friends... Or should I say XOM?!!

Thanks for listening you guys... I hope things stay this way.

m x

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Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Thu, 10-07-2004 - 6:47pm
Hiya Omaha,

No apologies necessary and when you need to blow off steam, or have someone hand you a cyber pillow to whack, or pass the cyber kleenexes, you know where I am.

Wishing you strength & peace,

Posie

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Thu, 10-07-2004 - 7:10pm
HI Cocktail

I am one othe NC folk, but I wish you luck in trying to make the friendship thing work.

Most of us have the NC and no friendship mantra because we ALL tried it and had it fail it's as simple as that, the truth is we were all warned that it would not work but most of us were just as determine as you are now to make it work, so take your best shot and if or when you need our support to recover from the recoil of that shot we will be here for you.

Good luck , continue to post and stay connected to your support system.

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2003
Thu, 10-07-2004 - 7:11pm
great thread you guys! you were all honest and opinionated (not a bad thing in my book so long as you listen too & you guys were). It was actually a very exciting exchange of ideas about a very difficult and emotional and VERY personal subject we all share.

The best part is that you're all fighting for yourselves and your salvation if you will -- for a better life, free from addictions & crutches (MY opinion of what an affair ultimately is, for me anyway) or however we each choose to characterize this thing we all "found" ourselves in or "put" ourselves in.

Congratulations for maintaining good manners, grace & compassion while debating how to get out! I'm with posie, only because from the standpoint of someone who's now affair free -- 18 mos. and counting -- I know that being tough on this and fighting for yourself and for a good life actually takes a LOT of strength. Looking into the eyes of someone you love and saying, I love you but you are not good for me, you are not safe for me, you will hold me back from a full, rich good life that I deserve (so does he, but he's got to find that himself). Saying that with love and compassion and following through with it and sticking with it takes guts.

It hurts and it's hard. It hurts deep & keeps hurting for a long long time. No contact is not the easy, weak, judgmental way out. It just works. If you can stay "friends" with your XOM or MM, I really believe you're kidding yourself and trying to cling to whatever you can, instead of facing your life with clarity and strength and making it the absolute best and most honest and richest life you can have.

And listen, it took me about a year to get out so I'm NOT beating up on anyone. I just know how much I appreciated all of my inperson friends and friends on this board who always told me straight that I needed to get out. that I deserved better. and never ever stopped telling me that.

I just was so impressed with you guys and wanted to say that!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2004
Fri, 10-08-2004 - 3:35am
hi everyone,

I'm working all this weekend so I thought I would post as I wont get the chance for a couple days.

Daf101a: Thankyou for your support, I too do hope that it will stay as positive as it has been.

foolnomore: I'm sorry that you could not stay friends with your OM, I really hope my XOM does not turn into a stalker. He doesn't seem the type but I don't think thats something you can tell until it's too late!

omahainlove: Thankyou so much for your kind words. I have faith in me too! I know from your other post that you have probs of your own and hope I can offer the same kind of support to you soon.

mefreenow : It's nice to know that if it all goes wrong that there will be people there to patch me up at the end of it. (if that doea happen, you can even say 'I told you so!' and I wont mind!)

foolnomore : I too was impressed with the honesty and compassion in this post. Some of it I didn't want to hear, although it is nice to hear all viewpoints!

finally....

posiepops!!:

I really don't have much to say. I think of you and chuckle, I can almost see you sitting there...with an answer for EVERYTHING! Flicking through your 'answer for everything' book with the title 'NO CONTACT, YOU KNOW IT MAKES SENSE' and I changed my mind about somehting else, your manrta should be ... no wishy washy!

Thanks for your input, It brought reality back to my situation!

Thankyou to everyone have a great weekend!

m x

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Fri, 10-08-2004 - 7:53am
Have a fab weekend - in between the working bits!

Wishing you strength & peace,

Posie

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