I did it...when does the crying stop?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2010
I did it...when does the crying stop?
32
Wed, 09-08-2010 - 6:06am

Hi



So this is my first post as an 'official ender'. I am praying that I am strong enough to do this.



Ok so short history... MW in A with MM for 18mths. For the past 6mths (maybe longer) he has been getting busier and busier. This was genuine but also he had a big issue with the guilt and started to pull back. The last few months I have barely seen him, although he has made an effort to be in contact nearly every day.



Meanwhile, I have been journalling my increasing unhappiness in the A. I have a wonderful H, who (while rather inattentive when it comes to intimacy and relationships) has been very good and trying hard for the last few months. This made me feel even more guilty, while I have been watching the AP pull further away.



Im ashamed to say but I

You are what you consistently do

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2010
Wed, 09-08-2010 - 6:52am

I am glad you finally made your decision...I know it is hard.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2010
Wed, 09-08-2010 - 7:03am

IGGYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY .........................WELCOME



Good on ya girl..... i am proud of you ......



When will the crying stop?.... give yourself about 48hours for the first bout.... then it might come and go a little !! Just make sure you have a great excuse for H....blame it on your op in July ..hormones playing up

New Choices, New Chapter,


New Challenges,

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Wed, 09-08-2010 - 7:30am

IGS,



I'd like to welcome you to our community with hugs and understanding. We have all been in your shoes, some not too far off from where you stand right now. Just know that you are no longer alone with your secret and now have a safe sounding board, so to speak. ;-) We will welcome your thoughts, your feelings, and if necessary, any venting that needs to take place. Ending the A is just the tip of the Iceberg, honey. You will be going through a plethora of emotions, some that will be very uncomfortable at first, but understand that it's your heart/mind/body detoxification taking place.



<>



This is very insightful thinking. Many also come to learn that their A's were an escape from RL pressures and disappointments. Of course there is always the "attention" factor at play, but usually when we've decided to end it, the attention we were getting from XAP had pretty much dried up. We discover that if it weren't for us always pushing for it, it wasn't going to happen. And then there is always the "guilt" factor. It doesn't appear until an A is off and running, but like mold building up in the tub if we don't clean/disinfect it, it starts building up PDQ.



Sadness

   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2010
Wed, 09-08-2010 - 7:38am

Thank you for the welcome guys.



NC its great to finally be here! I need to be here. I dont feel any self-esteem right now though. I hurt him today. I hurt myself. But yes I certainly feel the first glimpses of relief and deep down I think he felt a degree of relief too. He admitted that he feels bad if he doesnt text/call me. I dont want to be that person. I am more than just a tick on someone's 'to-do' list.



Greeneyed Phoenix you are right. Im hoping that the freedom from the emotional turmoil is going to be the thing that gets me through. Its been so exhausting, but now all I can think of are the good parts :(



Ugh.

You are what you consistently do
You are what you consistently do
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2010
Wed, 09-08-2010 - 7:49am

Hi Iddy



Thank you for the official welcome. Tonight I feel like I have been hit by a truck.



But I'll keep reading the HL and keep journalling my feelings and learnings. Actually a lot of the 'co-dependency' post on EAS tonight is relevant to me. I am a dreadful people-pleaser. Tonight I feel worse about hurting his feelings than I do about mine- wtf???



But this was ALWAYS going to end. I was never going to be with him in RL. EVER! So this was always going to end, and the end was always going to hurt.



Onwards and upwards. Until then there is chocolate...

You are what you consistently do
You are what you consistently do
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Wed, 09-08-2010 - 8:45am

IGS,



<<>



I was a co-dependent

   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Wed, 09-08-2010 - 3:07pm

JUMPING. JUMPING. JUMPING!!!
big, happy hug that you're here!

Dee

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
Wed, 09-08-2010 - 5:17pm

Hey Stronger welcome,



I feel like I should be hospitable and offer you something but you’ve been here lurking and reading in the HL regularly so I feel like you are pretty much at home and I can just tell you to kick of your shoes and help yourself to what’s in the frig.



Much love and big hugs,



E1



Whether you think you can or you think you can’t you are probably right.

Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2010
Wed, 09-08-2010 - 7:49pm

Hi Stronger (-:

Welcome. Huge Welcome. I am familiar with you from your previous "home", and I must say I am so freaking proud of you for taking the initiative to end your affair. We are lucky to have you here, and as I newbie, I just know you will bring some valuable insight and perspective to some of the other newbies. I also look forward to learning and sharing with/from you.

So happy you are here (-:

TU.

LC/NC since April 14, 2010

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou

*edited, because hey, there was just no proof reading going on (-:






Edited 9/8/2010 10:08 pm ET by transcendingus
LC/NC since April 14, 2010

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Wed, 09-08-2010 - 8:40pm

Iggy,
I just wanted to give you props for your first day as an ender and tell you that I will be thinking of rooting for you tonight. Tomorrow will be your first official day counted towards your tweener wings! Stay focused on the positive and happy future you're now creating for yourself and stay motivated!

Best,
Dee

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