I did it...when does the crying stop?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2010
I did it...when does the crying stop?
32
Wed, 09-08-2010 - 6:06am

Hi



So this is my first post as an 'official ender'. I am praying that I am strong enough to do this.



Ok so short history... MW in A with MM for 18mths. For the past 6mths (maybe longer) he has been getting busier and busier. This was genuine but also he had a big issue with the guilt and started to pull back. The last few months I have barely seen him, although he has made an effort to be in contact nearly every day.



Meanwhile, I have been journalling my increasing unhappiness in the A. I have a wonderful H, who (while rather inattentive when it comes to intimacy and relationships) has been very good and trying hard for the last few months. This made me feel even more guilty, while I have been watching the AP pull further away.



Im ashamed to say but I

You are what you consistently do
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2010
Fri, 09-10-2010 - 7:42am

Hi itstime



you said it was a 3 line email .. mine were pages long

New Choices, New Chapter,


New Challenges,

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2010
Fri, 09-10-2010 - 7:44am

Woman, you got yourself a litany!

LC/NC since April 14, 2010

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou

LC/NC since April 14, 2010

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2010
Fri, 09-10-2010 - 7:57am
carabina's i think

New Choices, New Chapter,


New Challenges,

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2010
Fri, 09-10-2010 - 8:14am

________________"you said it was a 3 line email .. mine were pages long but then they took hours with rereads and rewrites .. and oh can i really say that, how will he interpret that is that too riskee? !!!!!!!! ha i win" _____________

LOL I am almost choking in my cookie here!!! THREE line email, yes, of course.... more lines than that ----> too risky, he might get mad because he is too busy to read long emails like that!!! Such a busy life he has, you know ;-)

Hahaha all those rereads and rewrites... Gosh, I really thought I was the only one ;-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2010
Fri, 09-10-2010 - 8:28am

Emails were our prime form of communication...if i say it myself i was the QUEEN of QWERTY, but thank you.....

New Choices, New Chapter,


New Challenges,

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2010
Fri, 09-10-2010 - 8:41am
No, I have to admit the emails are still there. I sometimes reread them because they are so awful! (the ones I got from him) The word "f@ck" was in the emails ALL the time, that's all I heard. So it's a good reminder actually!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2010
Fri, 09-10-2010 - 9:54am

Hahaha ok- I dont feel quite as crazy now.



NC all my contact was by texts or calls- so nothing to delete as I deleted them every day anyway. We did send some emails at the start, but he was soooooo important and sooooo busy that he rarely replied! Schmuck.



Tonight I was at my child's school play. I was sitting there (when my son wasnt on stage- which was most of the bloody play!) thinking about why didnt he want me enough? Why wasnt he sad? What was he thinking? Will I hear from him again?



Then I thought of something I read here- its not about him its about me- and I should ask different questions.



Why did I get into this mess? Why do I care what his reaction was? Why do I want his attention so much?



So thats my homework this week. I am going to look up stuff about being addicted to attention (or something like that). I feel like standing up and saying 'Hi Im Iggy, Im an addict for attention'.......



So while I was annoyed that 'he' took over my thoughts tonight. I am happy that I turned those thoughts onto me and my issues, and what my next step is.



Iggyxx

You are what you consistently do
You are what you consistently do
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Fri, 09-10-2010 - 10:16am

Iggy and Itstime,
It's now time to delete ALL those emails and saved IMs. Do it NOW while you're pumped up and motivated. Keeping them, rereading them, keeps you stuck and dysfunctional. You realize now how liberating it is to not be burdened with communicating with X; know that the feeling of relief you'll have after ditching all the trash will be 10x the elation - like the weight of the world has been lifted. I promise.

(here's me, back in the day, btw) "If I go pee now, I might miss an incoming IM!" helllo blatter infection! gag!

Best,
Dee

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Fri, 09-10-2010 - 11:18am

Please stop doing that.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2010
Fri, 09-10-2010 - 4:52pm

Pshaw!