I did myself a FAVOUR today.....Finally!
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| Thu, 06-02-2005 - 6:08pm |
Today I really “GOT” that one of my most compelling coping strategies is the ability to “cognatively” analyze a situation without engaging my feelings. I guess this is what another poster ( Mo?) described in previous posts as intellectualizing. I started work with my T today discussing the role that my childhood sexual abuse played in my ability (I should say “disability!” ) to set appropriate boundaries in my relationships. I asked her to suggest a book that I could read to get a better understanding on typcial response patterns, triggers etc. She sidestepped my request very diplomatically and carefully suggested that ---Maybe sometime in the future I may find reading helpful as I have a highly developed insightful MIND it’s the relationship with the FEELINGS and the EMOTIONS that is “out of wack”--- (My words – not hers!) WOW – what release it was to just try and sit with my feelings (i.e.pain) for a change – I won’t be wearing mascara to any future T sessions………Pass me a kleenex.
We talked about that “Wild Woman a.k.a Sex addict” in me – I believe its that same creature that others here have described as their “Party Girl” persona. I guess it is not such an unusal – although dysfunctional response to feeling vulnerable – i.e some of us create this tigress-like vamp in a somewhat ironic attempt to gain power. I am looking forward to getting to know my Wild Woman and let her rest in peace. She has been trying to take care of me for much too long.
To any of you who are resisting IC …..do yourself a favour....get the HELP – I wish I hadn’t waited for so long....but then again I am an "issue" avoidance specialist who hung onto an A for SEVEN YEARS like a dissillusioned child clinging onto a very tasty pacifier....
ARTIST

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ITA. Anyone who has had an affair needs to recognize that something is broken within them. When the affair is over, the pain and agony most face is not missing the AP as much as it's MISSING what the AP did for them. Find out what the void is and learn healthy coping mechanisms to fill it. IC will help you to do that.
Wishing you the best,
Subade
**Terri**
Hi ARTIST,
I just wanted to say a quick "hello" (I responded to you way below on our "old" thread).
I'm glad you feel like your T is helping to point out some things that you might not have seen on our own (the most compelling coping strategies is the the ability to “cognatively” analyze a situation without engaging your feelings and FEELING your feelings).
I had my first T appt yesterday. The woman has helped me already see some things I might not have looked at before. I told her I was going to be a "hard nut to crack." My problem is that I see it all extremely clearly but this has been a "habit" for a long time... hard to break the cycle.
She did seem to think she can help me get to the point where I don't have to "hold myself back" (how was it you stated it? "Sit there with repressed desire"?)... She thinks she can get it so I don't have to use "willpower" to avoid anything with xMM and that emotionally I just won't want to anymore. I told her that was the best thing I've heard in a long time.
She also gave me the line that you mentioned in another post - how she will help me to get all these various people I've become back into my M as "one" person. I told her she's got her work cut out for her.
We'll see! Keep us posted on how it's going... WIP
Wow, I guess it's more common than I thought! I'm struggling with the same issues (though unfortunately, with not much resolved after a couple of months of therapy, and I have to stop therapy soon due to work schedule).
I too have the "wild woman" whom I use as a means of gaining power. I also am broken into pieces and have problems allowing myself to enjoy safety and security (like with DH) and passion (like with MM) in the same person. And I most certainly overintellectualize things -- insight is not my problem, dealing with these messy feelings that don't seem to respond to yet another self-help book or my attempts to change myself quickly.
This <> is so true.
Hope everyone makes progress, myself included. It's hard to reverse decades of self-destructive and dysfunctional habits.