I did a terrible thing

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2005
I did a terrible thing
12
Sun, 01-23-2005 - 7:35am

i've been reading some members posts alot - those who sound like they've been through my situation. i'm in love with a MM and decided i was not going to sit home another saturday night. i accepted a dinner invitation from a man who i know has a crush on me and we went out last night. long story short: i had a lot to drink. he stayed the night. i feel sick with guilt. i have been crying uncrontrollably since he left. i feel like i cheated. i should have not let it happen but at the time i felt like i was being independent. the truth is i felt nothing with this man last night. no magic. now i feel like such a whore. i kept thinking that when i end my A i will be free to explore with new men. now i realize i don't want anyone else. i am so confused.

D.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2005
Mon, 01-24-2005 - 5:23pm
Debbi.... good for you for agreeing to the second date... obviously although you regret that the first date ended rockily (literally ;-) ) your new fella obviously likes you enough that it didnt phase him or make him think badly of you. If he didnt like you he wouldnt have called again. And his response seems caring and honest, two rather nice qualities if you ask me. I know that you felt like you were cheating on your MM, but you weren't. You can't cheat on someone that isn't yours in the first place. Don't take on responsibility for your MM's frailties. As for being a whore, don't do that to yourself either, you aren't a bad person for what happened. We've all done things we regret, but you have to move on and look at it for what it was. Too much wine, too many hormones, whatever. Let it go. One night doesn't define you. As for me, I've been busy with my new guy (WOW)....... And regardless of whether this one for you lasts a couple of dates or longer.... remember that the amazing feelings associated with a real relationship are worth it. It is SOOOOOOOOOOO nice to be with someone that doesnt have to hide our relationship. And lucky me, I seem to have hit the jackpot for a change after years of bad choices. Take it slow and easy Debbi and everything will be ok. hugs and good luck on your next date........ knock his socks off........mentally ;-)
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2005
Tue, 01-25-2005 - 2:46am

thanks kelly

i found this board during the holidays. i hated being alone then the most. i started reading your posts and you just seem so together. i appreciate the time you've taken for me. i'm glad you're doing so well with your new M.
as for me i am still with my MM. i accepted the dinner invitation though i'm still not sure why. i know he wants to get me back into bed no matter how understanding he may have seemed. he is male afterall.
i'm going to try to cool things down for a while with my MM i think. everyone keeps talking about NC but that's not what i want. he is like my best friend. i wish i could just go back to when he was anyway.
i still regret what happened saturday night. i can't stop feeling guilty about it. i am such a terrible liar. my MM will know something is bothering me and i'll end up telling him probably. wish me luck.

Debbi

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