I don't know why I did this

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2004
I don't know why I did this
1
Fri, 04-02-2004 - 8:32am
I don't know why, but I called my X last night. I started seeing someone new that he knew, and this guy got a little wierd, so I thought maybe my X said something to him. Well, I wanted to know. He was happy to hear from me. Said he missed me. Told me that the reason he chose what he did was because he was under pressure. I said "Tell me that you are happy with your decision" He said he can't. I told him I wanted to hear that he's happy now. He said " What and Lie? I can't tell you that!" Told me that he did fall in love with me, and wants the best for me. Also said that when I see the Orion constellation in the sky, the middle star on his belt is ours. When I see it, he's with me. Said he didn't know why, but that it just wasn't the right time for us. If it doesn't work out with him and his future wife, I'm going to be the first person he calls. Also, said that he didn't want me to hang up and when I did, he was choked up. I could just tell.

I don't know why I did this to myself. I am so confused. Did I want to hear that? Or did I want him to hang up on me, and not talk to me. HE said he wants to see me before his wedding. He gets married on May 15 this year. I don't think it will work. I want it to work, and I don't want it to work. Because if he's in a happy marriage, I can move on with a clean slate. If he's not, the thought of him returning, could haunt me for a long time. What do I do? Even though he said he made up his mind, he didn't sound like he was happy with his decision. I don't get it anymore. I don't understand people. I told him that I want to get married, but what he has, I do not envy. I don't understand. I am so confused. If the man was happy with me, and had the opportunity to be with me, what the heck was the problem? If the roles were reversed, I'd have jumped.

Any thoughts? Please, I'm lost.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2004
Fri, 04-02-2004 - 11:29am
I don't understand it either...if he's not married yet, why would he consider getting married to a person that doesn't make him happy. To me an engagement is, in part, a time to seriously test the relationship in order to be more sure that it's what you want. I don't understand continuing to plan to get married if the relationship is not good.

This probably isn't what you want to hear, but it makes me feel sorry for his fiance. Assuming she doesn't know about your relationship with him, she's making a decision to spend her life with someone without having all of the facts about him. Doesn't seem fair to her. When my xMM and his wife were trying to make their marriage work, I asked him that question...is it fair to put her in a situation to make a decision about staying with him when she didn't know about our two-year affair. I don't know if telling a spouse about the affair is a good thing or not but that's something I would definitely want to know prior to marrying someone.

I understand exactly what you're saying. Which is the most painful...hearing that he misses you or hearing that he's happy without you. I think it's a toss up.