I don't kow if I can do this.....
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I don't kow if I can do this.....
| Tue, 12-30-2003 - 11:03am |
How do you try and make a marriage work with a man your not sure you are in love with? H is a good guy but I've never had romantic feelings about him. How do I tell MM that we need to end it so I can be a normal person again. A good wife, a good mom. MM made it so hard for me to be with H. But the guilt of breaking up my family is SO overwhelming. I love my son so much that I would stay with H if I knew it would be better for him. We don't fight. I just don't love him. I need help in the worst way. I don't know whats worse. The thought of leaving or the thought of staying. This really doesn't have to do with leaving H to be with MM. It has to do with "doing the right thing". Do I make it work for my son? Can I survive my marriage? Any help?

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Remember that? Dumbo could fly, but his friends gave him a feather. When he had sobered up, he thought it was the feather that allowed him to fly. Soon, he came to realize that he could fly w/o the feather when he had to.
You say that the xOM gave you this gift, but, secretpal, it has always been there. It is YOURS. That was the point of my post above. It isn't about the xOM... it is about you. You say "he taught" and "he told" you, but these are things that were always there; he just helped you to see them.
Trust me on this, kiddo.
You'll get to where you don't need his "feather" any more. It hurts now, I'm sure, but look inside...
The other night I watched Bridges of Madison County. I don't want that to be me. Yes I applauded the woman for being such a great mother and wife but she died loving a man she could never have. How depressing. What happens 5 years down the road if I am still unhappy? I want to have a loving relationship with my H.
I know that I need to make certain decisions and stick to them. I'm just hurting so badly right now that I can'y think straight. Thanks for all your support.
I certainly don't have the answers. I'm not meaning to come across as a know-it-all. You're in a tough spot, much like my xOW. By the way, she left her H, and should be finalizing her divorce next month. This is one thing that led to "us" getting a bit out of hand... at least from my perspective.
Now, her soon-to-be-ex is showering her w/ attention and wants her back. Go figgure.
My message, in a nutshell, is that it is WITHIN you already. Search yourself for answers. It may be that you get back w/ your H, and it may not be. The key is to be the source of your own power & happiness, and not to rely on others to be that for you. If you do, you'll always be let down. Rely on secretpal. Are you spiritual? Rely on God. Ask Him to help you carry some of the load.
When you identify the things that make you happy, you'll then (hopefully) be able to make these other decisions.
I understand the "Bridges" thing. Really. (Even though it is a chick movie).
This bit takes time. It is a harsh road. Keep posting. Keep your feet moving. Keep working on it. You'll make it. Pain is one of the stages that we have to go through, for some reason. It sucks.
It may help (but maybe not) to look at things not as "leaving this man you love," as looking at things "making your life healthy & whole & right again".
Good luck, kiddo.
Thanks
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