I don't think we will make it

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2010
I don't think we will make it
5
Fri, 02-25-2011 - 9:51pm
Oh god. My h and i are in a huge fight. He has been great about all this but it is there-under the surface and he is blowing up tonight. He is so passive aggressive and the sh$t is hitting the fan. I am so friggin mad. At him. At me. This so sucks.

Life sucks
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2010
Fri, 02-25-2011 - 10:13pm

SR,

This is all a normal part of the healing process. If you read some of the stories here about healing after a Dday you will see that you are in for the LONG haul. You haven't nearly been affair free long enough to have ANY sense of where your marriage will be with time. This affair only just ended, you are still in the newness of ending, and are unable to recommit fully to the marriage. Re-building will take months, or maybe even years. There will be days where things seem to be moving forward, and the next minute the affair is the only thing on the radar. Life does not suck, but the consequences of your choices to engage in an affair will take commitment over time for you to work your way through. This is not the time to be frustrated or lack understanding for the pain that you have caused.

And remember, just because you had an affair, it doesn't mean that you do deserve to be treated with cruelty or verbal/mental abuse. SO please remove yourself and your children from the situation if you feel the least bit concerned about your safety. I don't know what "blowing up" means, but he or you has a responsibility to leave the situation if you are engaging in destructive fighting. If the crap is hitting the fan, removing yourself from the situation might be in order.

Please don't make any decisions about the state of your marriage right now. You really can't make any assessments based on the early days of recovery.

Again, we all pay the piper eventually, and I am sorry to hear that it's your turn now ):

TU.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2010
Sat, 02-26-2011 - 1:02am

Dear Sunrise,

What TU just said is very wise and very true.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2011
Sat, 02-26-2011 - 1:09am
Hugs sunrise I'm so sorry that this is happening to you right now.
Community Leader
Registered: 05-23-2003
Sat, 02-26-2011 - 12:00pm
Yes to all that TU said, echoing that 100%.

Rebuilding is a marathon - not a sprint. It's a process, filled with ups and down, good days, and bad days. Don't let one fight, one bad day blow you off course. How things are today, right in this moment doesn't mean that they will be this way tomorrow, or always.

Have faith, and hang in there.

Hugs,

Kim


    

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2011
Sat, 02-26-2011 - 9:01pm
Sunrise, I was so sorry to hear that you and your husband are struggling. I can't begin to imagine how hard it must be to stand in the shoes of a BS, and to find a way to trust us again. At the same time, TU is right that you still need to set some boundaries around the ways in which he can express his grief and anger towards you."We teach people how to treat us" and, regardless of the choices you have made, you are a good person who has the right to be safe while you work on healing yourself and your M.

Sending you lots of warm hugs. How are you doing today?

Kat