i dont want to be a downer but

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2011
i dont want to be a downer but
7
Sun, 04-15-2012 - 10:16am
This week is going to be hard for me. I wish I could say I will glide through it, but I know its doubtful and I want the week over. Last week while on vacation x was on my mind a lot because I was staying exactly where I was two years ago when I sent him a text that would have read very innocent but we both knew it meant a lot that I was sending him a message from my vacation. One week back from vacation and we had our first kiss, which will be this tuesday. I want to cry. Cry for ever getting myself into this mess, cry for the woman who felt so sh*tty she lost all her morals and cry for the void I still feel. I wish I didn't feel this way, but I do. The good news is I have to travel for work this week and will be busy so hopefully very distracted as well. I know the firsts after the end are hard. I just feel so sad. I feel like I should be embracing my good decision to end, and believe me I know its the right decision, but again, just want to cry. So I am.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2009
Sun, 04-15-2012 - 10:50am

Hi there.

Uh I know what you mean.. I'm facing special day this week, and I wish it was just any other day of the week but it's not.

Yep keeping busy is the key, doing something special for someone else during this time it might be rewarding to make someone else smile and keep your mind thinking forward not backwards!

You are doing really well, and you are allowed to have off days, the A has been a part of our lives and even though we all want to find the off switch, we just have to have the patience to let it fade out instead.

If you have time during the week, keep us posted on how your doing - ok?

WGO
Every recovery is a kind of rebirth
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2011
Sun, 04-15-2012 - 10:54am
Hopeful and WGO, please post your feelings and successes about how you move right past them this week. You can manage the memories, they are just moments I'm time. You've been handling other difficult moments up until now, so I know you'll both be just fine.

Sending you extra strength (( ))

Gypsy.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2011
Sun, 04-15-2012 - 3:34pm
Hi babe, I totally get it. My birthday is in 3 weeks. He has never not wished me a happy birthday in 12 years. Plus, my birthday 3 years ago is the day the A started. And the A ended 5 days after my birthday last year. 2 years and 5 days after it started.

I know it will be a week of triggers. But I am looking forward to how STRONG I am going to feel once I get through them.

Because we will get through them. And each "first" is another step closer to being healed.

Right? Tell me I am right :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2011
Sun, 04-15-2012 - 6:39pm
Hi hopeful.

Triggers are hard for sure, but you have been doing the work, and you might find that it isn't as difficult as you anticipate. But... If it is difficult, please don't make it even worse by beating yourself up about what you *should* feel. Choosing is in the actions. So be proud of the impressive actions you've taken and let the feelings pass over you then go on their way. It's ok to be a "downer" every once in a while.

Hugs,

Lulu
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2011
Sun, 04-15-2012 - 8:12pm
Thanks everyone. WGO we will have to check in on eachother. Thanks also Gypsie, you are right. Lulu, ty you made me cry, can you tell I am already beating myself up? I hate being a downer, so ty for letting me :) thanks too Rainie...I like your outlook and you have A LOT happening around your birthday. I almost PMd you today...my mother was my tipping point on an already downer day, but I made it through that as well.
Ill be relieved when this week is over.
Hugs back to all of you.
Hopeful xo
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2011
Sun, 04-15-2012 - 8:47pm
Aw Hopeful Sweetheart you haven't lost all of your morals or you wouldn't be fighting so hard to end this. In the grand scheme of your life this will eventually be a blip, a really painful blip but you will get through it. Keep clawing your way out and be patient with yourself. Keep the focus on doing what is right for you and everything will fall into place. We are here to hold you up. Love and squeezes Honey. GH
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Sun, 04-15-2012 - 9:48pm

((Hopeful))

We can take it!