I ended it why am I so sad?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2003
I ended it why am I so sad?
6
Mon, 02-28-2005 - 11:42am
I mostly lurk on this site once in awhile I post a message. I have know MM for 10 years and this year is year 5 of the A. And sitting here looking back at the last 5 years I can honestly say that 4 1/2 of them were miserable. He has beat me down so far in to the ground I am not sure if I will ever recover. I have no self esteem. When this started I was married, confidant, independant, outgoing and sad to say NOT even interested in this man. Did not give him the time of day for 5 years. I ended it finally, I was so strong and felt great. Then I made the mistake of picking up the phone and allowing him to take MY DIGNITY and get his final blow to me, he told me what do you think I am going to do cry, be sad, do you think the world is going to end. The things he was saying turned it all around to where I was crazy, I was crying I was mad I could not believe that he was so cold and so heartless. It tore me up. I have been crying ever since, the conversation ended with me telling him that he is dead to me, never to contact me again. He called once and I picked up and hung up so he could not leave a message. Have not heard from him since. I finally accepted I will never walk away with my pride. He is too good at the mind games. I just need to walk away. I am so angry at myself. For allowing him to win. For giving him the satisfaction of seeing me fall apart, for allowing him to see me so hurt. And him so cold. Life just goes on. Nothing lost, no big deal. And here I lost my marriage thinking one day we would be together, I blame no one but myself, I think I am mostly angry at myself. So, Why is it I want him to suffer. WHy can't I just go on and not care, why am I so bitter and angry. Every thought I have is all the mean hurtful things I did, but I am still so sad. I still look at my phone every second, I have the ringer down so if he calls I WILL NOT ANSWER but I look every second to see if he calls. How do I get over this?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2005
Mon, 02-28-2005 - 4:13pm


Take it one day at a time. I still look at my cell phone about once a day and it's been 2 months. When I look though, I think how crazy I am and laugh at myself. I wouldn't call him back if he did call so I just laugh at myself.

He sounds angry. Oh that's fun. He's pissed and he had to talk like that to make you believe he's ok. I love it, I can so see thru it. can't you? I wish my MM would be like that with me, oh I would love it. Anger is tough and men don't deal with with emotions anyway so the fact that's he's ticked means he's stuck. My MM is mad at me too and that gives me comfort. When I do see him on the road I grin. No actually I laugh knowing he's ticked. I guess you can really feel that way when you're healing but not when you're still having regrets of not having MM in your life. I am so much better than him.
Chill chickie, he's lower than you. And you have us, who does he have?! His wife, oh yeah they have such a connection eh? Remember things he's told you about their R. He's alone. Lift your head high and remember he's below you. You're moving on and life is waiting for you.
LilRocket

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2003
Mon, 02-28-2005 - 6:16pm
Thank you, when you look at it that way it makes sense, HE KNOWS ME. He has been in my life for 10 years and he KNOWS how to get to me. He is right begging me to stay and him crying is not the way to get to me. Act like he can care less is the way to piss me off and heknows that because my reaction, I go from calm cool and collected to this pathetic emotional mess when he is like that and he turns it. HE knows me better than I give him credit for. But I have to prove him worng and show him I am better than him and I am not that weak women he thinks I am. Thank you so much! He called and I did not pick up! He did not leave a message. Then he thinks I will cal him back and say hey did you call then he will deny it and I am the fool! Not this time!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Mon, 02-28-2005 - 6:51pm

F2M

I would like to suggest to you that HE DID NOT WIN, if he had won you would still be his beck and call girl the way he wants you to be, BUT YOUR NOT RIGHT, so who has really won (if there really can be a winner in these things).

You have just take the very first steps out of a 5 year emotional addiction that has robbed you of many of the best things in your life so it is no great surprise that you not dancing for joy, you have to expect that your recovery is going to take several months of NO CONTACT just to get you on a even plane let alone happy again, this is going to take TIME but it will get better if you keep TOTAL NO CONTACT, there is know other way that is proven to work for the vast majority of women. Expect to suffer from intermitent periods of withdrawl, if you choose not to cave and allow contact with him the withdrawls will get weaker and weaker over time until they lose there power to hurt you anymore.

You have taken your first steps back into the real world, welcome home.

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2003
Mon, 02-28-2005 - 6:55pm
Thank you, I feel the longer I do not call him I am slowly gaining my dignity back, I KNOW HE thinks I cant do this and every hour that gpes by I am just a little stronger, and a shred of ME comes back. It is so easy to give advice but so hard to take your own and that is what I am trying to do finally!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Mon, 02-28-2005 - 7:25pm

Just take it one day and if need be one hour at a time and you will make, the real you will emerge again in time when you let her know that it is safe to do so.

GETTING YOU BACK IS WORTH WHAT EVER IT COSTS.

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2005
Mon, 02-28-2005 - 8:00pm

Oh that's awesome, let him call. Oh the power in not answering eh? I wish my guy would call. I wouldn't even touch the phone. My MM went into work today and said he might take another month off on stress leave. If you want to know how happy I am, imagine what someone looks like if you passed then a 100 million dollar cheque. That's me, jumping up and down and so happy. I love it, if he's taking more time off then you know what that means, he's MISERABLE AND STILL CONFUSED. I love it, I am seeing clearly, shame for him to be so low and me so high. hehehehe.
I'm on top and he knows it. Now he's going to start playing the victim b/c he knows I'm doing well. I'm ready and our co-workers have seen him for who he is. He likes to be private and I do to to a cetain degree but our co-workers no what he did to his wife and me and they are disgusted with him. They believe he took me for a ride and used to get out of his marriage that all the staff knew was a hoax. He's so pathetic. I hope he transfers.
If he calls again, be just as strong and remember he's sitting there baffled by why you aren't there at his becking call. He wondering is she out with someone. Maybe she's on the phone, maybe she has company. All the things that would go thru our minds if we called and didn't get an answer, they are going thru his. Laugh, you've got him thinking. Enjoy the power that I wish I had but I'm ok.
LilRocket