I Feel Like a Fake

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-15-2009
I Feel Like a Fake
17
Fri, 01-15-2010 - 9:28am

Hi All,


I'm really, really trying to work on my M but it doesn't seem to be working for me.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2008
Fri, 01-15-2010 - 9:41am

I know how you feel (some of it anyway)... having a hard time dealing w/ marriage and then also having some real life also adding stress to the situation... This is when I also just want to be alone....

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2009
Fri, 01-15-2010 - 9:49am

Mickey~


Good Morning.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-15-2009
Fri, 01-15-2010 - 10:17am

Hi Beautiful & Lynn,


The urge to contact ex-MM is strong today, but I don't think I will cave.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2009
Fri, 01-15-2010 - 10:30am

Mickey,


You won't be able to make a sound decision on your M until you are better and out of the A completely..that includes the emotional part. Only then you will clearly see your M for what it is.


Give yourself time. Your H can't push you. If he loves you he will be there for you in a few weeks or months after you have started to feel better. If he isn't there it just means he didn't care to stick around. But none of this matters. Until you are better, nothing else will be better. Don't worry about other people so much, Mickey. Look after yourself.


Sunshine

.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2009
Fri, 01-15-2010 - 10:39am

Mickey~


I know for me it took me a few weeks to really feel better when starting the new med's.


As far as your M.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2009
Fri, 01-15-2010 - 10:52am
My H and I have had those same conversations about sex MANY times. It’s never come down to assigning nights but there were many times that I have gone through with it even though I didn’t want to just to avoid an argument or make H feel bad. (Geez, that sounds so terrible). There were times I cried afterward because I, like you, thought of xMM the whole time and how easy it was to be with him and I hated that I couldn’t be with H that way. I would always wonder what was wrong with me that I dreaded sex with my H so much!!! My H even told me to ask my doctor what was wrong with me. I think for me, I just didn’t/don’t feel pretty or sexy at all…I’m too skinny and so self-conscious about my body. I know I need to work on that and get some confidence...too bad there’s not a store that sells that stuff. I’m sorry you’re going through this, especially when it seems like you have more important things on your plate. Even though my A is over, I still think about xMM when I’m with my H. I used to feel bad about it but now I just think about how it gets me through it and I don’t feel bad at all. Like L said “fake it til you make it.” Hey, everyone fantasizes, right? And I can tell you that it truly is getting better with time. The more time I spend with my H, the more I fall in love with him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2007
Fri, 01-15-2010 - 11:01am

hi mickey,


Like Lynn said, one day at a time.


I want you to know you are not alone in how you feel. I wish I could give you answers, but all I can do is tell you what I experienced.


I never enjoyed the sex in my marriage, it was a duty and one I dreaded, for over 30 yrs.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-15-2009
Fri, 01-15-2010 - 11:01am

Live,


For me, I feel resentful that H has given me this sex ultimatum when he knows I'm going through depression.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2009
Fri, 01-15-2010 - 11:19am

Well, those threats aren't exactly going to get you in the mood, are they?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2007
Fri, 01-15-2010 - 11:25am

mickey,


asking a guy to wait for 6, 7, 8 mos. is a looong time! As a female, we might understand we need time and space, but most men can't understand that.


Perhaps sitting down and having a honest frank discussion about this is needed. You both need to come to a middle ground. Maybe your H has to give and you do as well.


mickey, focus on what you want, set a goal and work for it. you can do it.

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