I feel I pushed him away

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
I feel I pushed him away
4
Tue, 10-19-2004 - 10:50am
I can't help to think sometime that I pushed him away to not want to talk to me anymore. I think genrally that he cared about me and wanted to still talk to me but when I would call him at work and he was busy he would be so ugly. He would tell me that everytime we talk it leads back to him not leaving his wife right now. He just can't do it now. He told me towards the end that he feels I am beating him up and he has told me where he stands on his marriage. I was ending it but he seems he turned it around on me and made me feel that he doesn't care for me. I never point blank said you need to leave your wife but I kept asking why we are still talking and why he is still wanting to do this. I think he cared but got pushed to the point of not wanting to deal with it anymore. I hate that I drove him away. I said we needed to end it but called afterwards and he didn't want to talk to me. I know I just can't seem to let this go and I am beating myself up over this. I think I may run into him this weekend with his family at a work function and I will be with mine. How should I act - I don't know what to do. I feel so rejected right now and having a hard time getting past that. The only thing that has kept me from calling him back is his wife just found out she is pregnant. I know that they didn't want anymore kids but still it stings.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Tue, 10-19-2004 - 10:58am
The truth is that this man will NEVER leave his W and kids.

Don't waste your time on him unless you're willing to risk losing your family in an attempt to get him to do something he won't do anyway.

Focus on YOUR life. His is irrelevant, as are his feelings. Trying to keep contact with him is just prolonging your suffering.

Not sure what to do about meeting him in public except to treat him as you would any acquaintance.

Listen to the stories here...NC works.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2004
Tue, 10-19-2004 - 12:09pm
<<<< I know that they didn't want anymore kids but still it stings.>>>>

My dear, actually you didn't know a lot of things because these men don't know what telling the truth IS! It's NONE of your concern that a baby is on the way other than this becoming NOW, the #1 reason for NC.

<<>>

I'm sorry for your pain. These affairs start out with such euphoria and bliss, only to stall mid air, and then plumet to their sudden death: No explanations and no closure. Even if you do get some kind of reason from XMM, it is fabricated to fit the occasion. Don't you see? Spinning a web of lies gets one so tangled up that the truth was mangled in the process.

For XMM, the reality of losing family and children USUALLY snaps them out of the fog. This makes is so difficult for those of us who are left behind.

Let him go. Let him work on his marraige and BE there 100% for this new child that is coming.

~True~

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Tue, 10-19-2004 - 12:15pm
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Exactly. If my exMM contacted me today, I wouldn't believe a word he said, good or bad. He's lied to me (and his W, obviously) so many times to save his own skin, I wouldn't trust him any further than I can throw him. In the end, he himself is the only person he truly was worried about hurting, and he acted accordingly.

For me, that realization is a powerful tool in maintaining NC.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Tue, 10-19-2004 - 12:31pm
I know what you are saying. The thing is I semi believe things he said bc in a way we had a twisted relationship. I was supposely friends with his wife and he was friends with my hasband. Whenever he said they were fighting I would talk to her and she would pretty much confirm things he said happened. He would always tell me he had no reason to lie to me and that I would find out anyway from her. She told me that this pregnancy was a slip through the cracks and they were not too happy about it. I know in tim ethey will be fine -I mean I think their relationship was pretty good before I came along in spite that he wanted a three way with one of her friends and them two. YUCK I should have known then that there was trouble right. Ohe well - I am keeping the NC forever.