I feel so sad but I ended it today
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I feel so sad but I ended it today
| Mon, 02-15-2010 - 1:49pm |
I woke up today and knew that I was going to end this madness. For 8 months I have been involved with a married father at my children's school. I'm married as well. It's funny to me that even though I'm married, I feel no different then some of the stories from the single OW. I was always the one available, I always went to where he was, I kept my phone near me at all times. This weekend I realized that he did not love me. He continually reminded me that his time is so precious. And I realized that he truly believes that his life, family, work, kids are more important than mine. I had been asking and crying etc etc for more of his time which he continually held over me like a precious jewel. He would never plan time with me just give out when he felt like it. It got to where I didn't know how to plan my days because maybe that would be the day he wanted to see me. Everyday it would hurt more and more until I couldn't feel anything at all. I was so scared to end it today. I texted him that the affair was over once and for all. I hated texting it but it felt like the safest thing to do and it isn't as if he has always been such a stand up guy with me. He text back that he totally agreed and that this was way too much for him. I was prepared for a response but it still stung. I plan to follow the NC rules, but how do I handle seeing him at school functions?

Hi foolmetwiceshameonme,
First of all I want to tell you that you made the right decision. Very well done. I am in a similar situation as yours unfortunately.
My xAP is also a married father of some kids at the same school of my kids. To make things worse, he is also my neighbor :-(
You mentioned some school functions. What kind of functions are they and do you have to attend them?
Hugs
Htgo
Foolmetwice, ((((hugs)))) to you for being strong enough to end it. People say this a lot on this board, but I feel like I could have written everything you wrote! I am also MW involved with a MM, but I always felt I was putting more into the "relationship." I was always more willing to free up my time and be ready to meet him and his needs at the drop of a hat. And I endured countless rejections when I tried to initiate contact, only to have his life/family/whims take precedence over me and my needs. It took me a LONG time to realize how bad this was hurting me, but like you I also decided to make a stand and end things once and for all.
The pain sure does creep up, doesn't it? For months I tried to recapture what we once had--the rush, the incomparable pleasure--until one day I realized that it was irreparably damaged due to how he neglected my love for him.
In regards to your question about how to maintain NC/LC when you must see each other at functions...I would refer to all the same "rules" of NC/LC in the workplace (there is an article about this in the Healing Library). Unfortunately, I work with my MM so I am working through that as I type this. If you don't HAVE to speak to him, DON'T. In order to maintain appearances (and not raise eyebrows), maybe exchange cordial hellos, but that should be IT. Stand on the other side of the room if you have to.
We are all here to support you in the tough days ahead! Feel free to PM me if you'd like to talk more indepth. It's always helpful to commiserate :)
FMTSOM,
Welcome to our community, and although being here means you are in emotional pain, know that from
~Iddy~