I Feel So Weird....

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2010
I Feel So Weird....
4
Tue, 09-07-2010 - 4:03pm

H and I are separated.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2010
Tue, 09-07-2010 - 4:25pm

Pinky,


That is so beautiful.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2010
Tue, 09-07-2010 - 4:55pm
I think being able to go back through those childhood memories is a biggie.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2007
Tue, 09-07-2010 - 6:00pm
pinky, sounds like you are getting back in touch with yourself. I know in time if you continue to allow that, you will grow, heal and move on. It's also comforting to get back to the real you and make peace with yourself. hugs
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2010
Tue, 09-07-2010 - 9:57pm

pinky,

this is a beautiful, poignant post and i'm very glad you shared it with us.

i can very much relate to what you are experiencing. it is a bittersweet experience to let go of the A and re engage with yourself. one of the things i've learned from this board is that affairs are not about our husbands or wives or friends or family; they are about ourselves. it sounds like you, like so many of us, simply lost your connection to the world around you, and resultantly, to yourself. in reading your post, it is so clear to me that you are thoughtful and reflective and have a keen appreciation for small beauties. i'm sure that it must be an amazing feeling to return to that mode of thinking, rather than feeling so tethered to the damn phone.

i still get a tiny startle response when i hear my text message tone. i think it's become instinctual, which is very upsetting. but, it's been amazing to NOT receive texts from AP. to hear that tone and know, i dont have to run and grab it immediately out of fear that somebody else might read it. like i said, the slight nervousness is still there, but i look forward to the day when it ends.

i like your coma metaphor. re-awakening from an A is very much like resurfacing from a coma. some things have changed, some things have stayed the same. the world has continued to turn in your absence, but it will take you some time to get back in step with it. it sounds to me like you're doing a great job :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2010
Wed, 09-08-2010 - 1:13pm

It's funny how quickly things can take a turn.



Last night I was sitting here alone and suddenly I was overcome with sadness and started to sob.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010
Wed, 09-08-2010 - 2:03pm

Hey Pinky,

You are an inspiration to yourself and all of us on this board. If we focused on what we have, what is around us rather than wishing for something we would never have, our lives would be so much better and enriched.

Thank you for your sharing your garden walk with us. I felt I was right there with you enjoying nature's beauty.

MovingON

MovingON

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Wed, 09-08-2010 - 2:41pm

Wow, Pinky, you write beautifully. I was really pulled into your scenic descriptions and could almost feel that puppy soft fur against my legs.



Yeah, it a very weird feeling when we transition from surreal to real, even if it is remotely noticeable at first. It will build with each eye-opening day until we know in our hearts that we have rejoined the real world and all the beauty it has to offer.



Thank you for sharing your thoughts. It's moments such as these that you will always remember because innocence lost is now wanting forgiveness. Your heart will come around as it heals a little more with each passing day.



I am sorry your M is in a questionable state, but never make any major decisions until enough time has passed where you are comfortable in your own skin again. You will know this when those creative juices start flowing again; a sure sign that Pinky is back on track.



Love and hugs,

   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2010
Wed, 09-08-2010 - 3:18pm

Reading this thread over and thinking about it, there is a song that comes to mind.