I finally belong on this board....

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
I finally belong on this board....
31
Mon, 12-14-2009 - 6:06pm
Privacy.


Edited 12/15/2009 11:10 pm ET by llostagain

NC since Dec. 9th 2009

No Contact = No N

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2005
Mon, 12-14-2009 - 6:52pm

I am a newbie, did not know he was M, but still saw him for a month after I found out. I had a very good reason, but I probably would have contd to see him anyway....just to give you some brief background info about me

No expert, but two things I suggest, I am attorney former therapist (yep, even we need therapy and mess up bad)

1. stop beating yourself up. he is also responsible, you are not a whore, nor are you worthless, stop the self hate. U may want to see a T and help sort all this out. He is just as responsible. It may take one person to end an A but 2 to engage in one. Please just stop the self hate, it gets you nowhere.

2. U need to end this so called friendship with W, she is not your friend and she could care less about you, I do not care how nice she seems, how you met her kids or how much time you have spent with her. U have been sleeping with her hubby, whether she is happy with him or not, she is his W and should not be trusted anym"ore than he is. I realize you are in fragile state, but she is not the person you need to be talking to. Ever heard the phrase Keep your friends close, keep your enemies closer." U think she has not takemn up friends with some of the other women MM has dealt with. I am not saying she is out to get you. I am saying she is not your friend.

And I am going to be harsh here......Ur MM aint no different than the rest of them we discuss on this board, maybe he is a sex addict, so are others, maybe he likes porn, maybe he has threesomes, but do not think that we can not understand because we do not know him like you and W....this board has seen it all sweetie, the good, the bad, the ugly, and the real ugly. We dont have to KNOW him to know him. He is selfish and serving like the other MM on this site, your guy while colorful aint nothing special.....

with that said, come here, stay here, talk to us, I got my issues and am coping and dealing with deep pain too, but the W is not the place to go,

I hope you are not upset with me....but I am being honest and i am sure some vet will jump in here and tell you the same. U need to end all CONTACT with anyone and anything that has anything to do with any of them. Its a done deal.

U need to heal and that is the only way you will.

and one last thing....u think you have closure cuz you know this and that....there is no such thing as closure and according to your words you are just at the beginning of all this, you are not past any stage....I wish and hope I am wrong but the way you bash yourself tells me otherwise

Please know that i am here for you....we all are.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
Mon, 12-14-2009 - 7:00pm

Hi Lost


Welcome to EAS. I’ve followed your posts on other forums and I’m familiar with your story.


You’ve been through a lot. It hurts when all the lies xAP told us are exposed and we discover that we were used and tossed aside like a paper towel.


I know you are a tremendous amount of pain. You’ve been around the boards for a while and have probably already read in the Healing Library near the bottom of the EAS main page.


The good news is that he is no longer your problem and I know you feel for his wife that has put up with his horrible behavior over the years.


Now it’s time to focus your attention on you and heal and find out why you went down the A road.


Welcome again!

Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
Mon, 12-14-2009 - 8:29pm
Privacy


Edited 12/15/2009 11:11 pm ET by llostagain

NC since Dec. 9th 2009

No Contact = No N

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2005
Mon, 12-14-2009 - 8:51pm

OHHHHHH the many lies they tell. they tell and tell and tell. I did not know my MM was even M, he also had a baby on the way, when I met him. The lies hurt. They sting, heres the kicker, I told him I was still married. I was in the process of a divorce. He still lied. He lied about a baby. I mean a whole baby. and then I was pregnant, the lies are so hurtful. I didnt agree to an A, yet I was in one without a choice or knowledge. he did not even tell me, i found out about all of it, M and Baby on my own.

The lies will hurt and sting. Accepting them are really hard to swallow. It still hurts like hell, that the many nights I was with this man, were all a farce. All one big lie. He used me. He also had a ton of others, an active member of a ton of sex websites....this guy was so good and so charming....he was airtight. But he was not ready for a girl who is an attorney with detective skills that most cops would envy. he hates me for finding him out. he hates cuz he cant get over on me, he hates that i wont stay and wait for him to leave his wife.

mine even lied and swore he was not having sex with his wife....i would laugh at him. it was funny....he hated that i was on to his everymove. I am almost 2 weeks no contact. it burns, it hurts, but it is best.

end it all for your benefit, block him, do whatever you can do. block her too. do whatever you can, it will hurt and it will be tough, but i am here and i will listen everytime, i will respond, i will be there, and if you fall, i will be there too.

hell i will need you to pick me up at one point.....

stick around and welcome....

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Mon, 12-14-2009 - 9:23pm

i feel your pain and your rage.
you are not alone.
i hope together we will find the strength that we
can not on our own.

I am a therapist too: none of us are immune to the hurt an A cause.

My ex-AP told me today i was acting so hurtful because i felt
rejected and that 'f ^&k me for making him
feel like he just comes to me when he wants something' and that
i asked for too much, more than he could give.

gosh, this sucks.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2005
Mon, 12-14-2009 - 9:40pm
that was his manipulation....dont let it work, have you gone NC? you really should consider it and yep i am here for ya,,,,,but you should block/avoid it all. its all toxic anyway. let it go.....i know its hard. but NC is the way to go
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Mon, 12-14-2009 - 9:56pm

With all that's in me I am trying to go NC ... although it will have to be more like LC because we are contractually obligated to be co-researchers together. That really sucks because writing well with someone takes trust and respect. Neither do we have for one another.

thanks for your support Sienna. I haven't gotten off this board today so it speaks to my need for support right now.

j.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2006
Mon, 12-14-2009 - 10:02pm
I read an article yesterday that said that 1 in 10 people are sociopaths.
Onward and upward.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2005
Mon, 12-14-2009 - 10:08pm

i been on all day....all day. i do not work much in dec for various reasons, so this could not come at a worse time for me, way too much time on my hands. a little warning, some may post you should be in NC to be on this board, I dont care at all. Ur call, If you are here and we can get you to NC that would be great. But I would urge you to do it. Yes it burns, yes it hurts, it stings like hell....but I am already less stressed....he is not consuming me. sure, i think of him all day. all day. but still its better than accepting crumbs and dealing with lies and BS. getting and feeling used. it is much better than all of that....no contact means or equals no new hurts...please consider it. i am here to get you thru the first week...

please consider it, that line he gave you was classic manipulation....classic, get out....but if you linger a little longer, i am here when u r ready and even now

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
Mon, 12-14-2009 - 10:11pm
J Privacy


Edited 12/15/2009 11:12 pm ET by llostagain

NC since Dec. 9th 2009

No Contact = No N

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