I Finally Did NC - I'm Back to Heal

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2008
I Finally Did NC - I'm Back to Heal
Thu, 04-04-2013 - 8:32am

Hi Everyone, 

I've been off and on the boards for years. Breakups, makeups, mistakes, lack of courage....all the things that had me leave and return.  This time I wanted to come back weeks ago but not until I could say to all of you seasoned vets, that I finally did it. Its over and I've managed NC for 21 days.  Those that know me know thats a big milestone for me those that don't probably won't understand.  I've tried so many times to end this and go NC but never made it. I always allowed him to suck me back in, 7 days was my idea of NC.  

Now that I've got 21 days in the fog has lifted alot......Seeing things that aren't pretty but needed to finally be seen.  We were together for almost 8 years.  His live in GF left home finally and when she was in process of leaving he "claimed" depression about how he led his life and what he'd done to hurt her. Came to me and said he needed time to think and see if his feelings for me were genuine, his words, absence makes the heart grow fonder. 

A week of NC in I learned that the day he talked to me and said all this he had already been seeing someone else for the past 6 weeks.  He hadn't ended it with me, the live in was still in his home, he was depressed huh?  Not only did he lie when he ended it with me, he cried and left me with hope that we would see where we were at in the future.  Told me he loved, cried again when he got in his truck to leave that day, swore to me there was not someone else.   

Well there was someone else.  I waited 7 years for the day he would be free and when he was he tossed me away for someone new.  He lied and lied to me over and over.  

When he left here that day with those tears and his declarations of depression and loving me, he went off to pick up his newbie and took her away for a weekend together.  Took her to the same beach to enjoy the sites, that he would take me. 

He broke me, but I refuse to be a victim anymore, I'm working on being a survivor.  CLARITY, I can only say to you what I've said to my friend and my sister.....if only I had listened to all of you this pain would never have been so great.  

Susan