I finally let go..

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2004
I finally let go..
2
Tue, 03-29-2005 - 12:55pm

I've written here a few times, but basically I've been reading everyone else's messages and was very interested in the responses to them.

All I can say is that I really needed this site. It took me about 6 months to come to this decision, but that's o.k. The responses have opened my eyes and have made me look at myself the way I needed to. I was the one that had the affair. I've realized that the affair was going to go nowhere. He lives in another state and is living with a woman, so we were just corresponding by email and phone. We tried to be "friends" after we got together last year, but it just wasn't working for me. After having sex with someone and then just turn around and say we are only going to have friendly conversations from now on was a game we were playing with each other and ourselves.

I called him yesterday and told him that it just wasn't right for me to continue staying in touch with him. I didn't want to email him and do this because the words and the meanings of the words don't always come out the way you want them to. I needed to hear his voice and his responses when I told him. I needed to do this for me - not him.
Actually, it was a nice conversation. He said he understood and that our original friendship went way too far for both of us. Then he asked if that meant that we wouldn't be emailing each other and I said yes. I told him I loved my husband and that I'm sure that he loved his girlfriend. I realized myself that he was just a fantasy for me and he made me feel special for a while, but the majority of the time I felt unhappy and sad. I could tell by the tone of his voice that he sounded sad. We both agreed that we had to make the right decisions for ourselves. He asked me if I had any hard feelings towards him. I him no and I really don't have any towards him. I cried my eyes out after I hung up the phone. He got to me more than I realized, but I'll be o.k. He said I could email anytime I wanted, but I know I won't anymore. We said goodbye, and I let him go.

I have to thank mefreenow the most. You lay it out on the line and say it like it is and that is what I needed to hear. I have read you responses over and over again. Your articles on affairs and the harm they cause everyone were exactly what I needed to read and digest. You are a great strength to this site. Thank you again.

I know I have to be realistic and I'll probably have times when I want to call him or email him, but those are the times when I'll come back to this board and get a reality check to wake me up again.

I'm in therapy, which does help and am working towards making my marriage better. I've been with my husband for 24 years and I really can't think of not being with him. He deserves a better wife than I have been the last year.

Thanks for this board and for letting me share my story.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Tue, 03-29-2005 - 2:15pm

CD

Your more then welcome, always glad to lend a hand to a fellow traveler.

I suggest that you start closing the channels of communications "TODAY", delete him from your address list block his address if possible even change\close any e-mail address of yours he knows about, if block calls from any phone numbers of his that you know (your phone company can do that in most cases). DELETE any e-mails you have kept from him or sent to him. If you IM close the account, do what ever it takes because in time it is almost certain he will attempt to contact you.

Good luck you have done the right thing.

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2004
Tue, 03-29-2005 - 2:33pm

Thanks Free for the suggestions. I've already done some of them since yesterday and am working on creating new email addresses. You've been a great help.

CD