I FORGOT ....
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I FORGOT ....
| Thu, 08-19-2010 - 8:51pm |
Hi All
Someone made a comment in a thread i was reading last night and it made me think..... i had forgotten the
| Thu, 08-19-2010 - 8:51pm |
Hi All
Someone made a comment in a thread i was reading last night and it made me think..... i had forgotten the
Hi NC x,
I recall replying to a post at that time that the heart is not listening to the brain.
Oh my gosh, I was thinking along the same lines yesterday. In fact started writing a new post and for some reason I just couldn't get the words out right (post menopause - happens all the time)
Another poster mentioned how she had to get over not only xAP but also get over the affair as well. I stopped and thought of course that is how it was. Yet while going through that awful pain and struggle I think we don't get that, until later. It's so darn hard to reconnect the mind and the heart. In our minds we knew we had to end it, yet in our hearts is where our biggest struggle often is. I found I was so disconnected from my real world, that getting back to it was again another struggle. Living in a fantasy for almost 4 years can really do a number on your mind.
Comments and
"An affair takes up so much constant thought and attention that when you stop, you really have to work at putting better things in it's place."
Yep, that's it! I feel like I have all this energy, but it's really difficult to focus it on specific things. A really weird feeling...like I could walk/run for hours and hours, just 'go' and expend the energy physically somehow. But, directing all that loose/extra energy towards other productive things, it can be difficult.
----
'It may be that when we no longer know what to do,
We have come to our real work,
And that when we no longer know which way to go,
We have begun our real journey'
- Wendell Berry
Walk n' Block. Total NC 08-13-10
'It may be that when we no longer know what to do,
We have come to our real work,
And that when we no longer know which way to go,
We have begun our real journey'
- Wendell Berry
"Yep, that's it! I feel like I have all this energy, but it's really difficult to focus it on specific things. A really weird feeling...like I could walk/run for hours and hours, just 'go' and expend the energy physically somehow. But, directing all that loose/extra energy towards other productive things, it can be difficult."
Difficult indeed. I reviewed my phone bill, and realized that for May and June (two months that I basically separated from my DW, leaving her to go "set up" for a new job in a new city, really it was so that I could be always available to talk with XAP whenever she had the time) I spent about 6000 minutes on the phone with her!!! 100 hours per month! Most of this time was during the day when I was supposed to be working (cause she was off limits at night while her H was home). Here I was with a great new opportunity and all my energy was going into XAP. Well now, 7 weeks post A, I have all this extra time/engergy but still have trouble motivating to be productive. It comes and goes, but I am still a little ticked at myself for how much time of my waking hours I still spend thinking about/trying to get over XAP.
Separation between head and heart....ugh...so true. My head knows whats right, hence not one fishing attempt since XAP expressed her desire for NC (first time ever), but damn if my heart can spend more than 1hr caught up!
So is it better to Forget that you remember, or remember that you forgot?
--Foggy
<<>>
Oooh, good question. Dunno, but my gut reaction is to "Forget that I remembered" And that is if I understand the quote/question correctly.
I want to forget everything that I remember(ed). Except the hard lessons I have learned, because of those, I am who I am today. And I am truly in a better place in my life. No more angst, anger, confusion and drama. No more trying to live in 2 different lives - that alone created more brain clutter than anything else.
Sometimes I look back to pre A days and wonder what the heck did I do with myself. I was addicted to my laptop during the affair. I know before the A, I wasn't on so much because I was living a real life. Now, even way, way out of the affair I am just beginning to reconnect fully. (just thinking about all this irks me !! So, see it is better to forget that I (can) remember)
I want to remember that i forgot, cos it shows me how far i have come in certain areas....for me
New Choices, New Chapter,
New Challenges,
<<>>
Ha ha, this wouldn't be the first time this has been posted on EAS
:=)
But it's a much better addiction ;-)
One thing I notice here is that we seem to pit the "heart" against the "mind" ... while I don't agree with this false division necessarily, what I would say is:
... my heart/gut/soul knew my truth - but it was my unwell mind that could rationalize, justify, re-frame etc ... my heart was in the right place, my mind is what did me in. I haven't needed to 'work' on my heart, getting it on-board, I have had to work on my thinking that was allowing me to engage in such heart/soul destroying behaviours.
I don't think it is our heart that tugs at us making healing & moving forward hard, I think it is our stinking thinking that pulls us under.
Just my 2cents.
TU.
LC/NC since April 14, 2010
"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou
"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou
T,
Excellent point and a different way of looking at the whole mess.
It certainly was a struggle that's for sure.
If you would have asked me I would have said my heart was with xAP, but my mind knew better, while all along perhaps it was my heart that truly wanted to be home, but my fogged in mind kept corrupting me !!