I Gave Myself Closure.....
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| Wed, 04-21-2004 - 8:55pm |
I know I shouldn't have done this but I'm glad I did. I emailed my MM and said my final goodbye although I said good-bye Monday. I had unfinished business within myself and NEEDED to tell him how I felt. I feel somewhat at peace in telling him how much the relationship meant to me and that I leave without bitterness, anger, or regret and I only wish him happiness, regardless of what that entails. I told him what I have learned and thanked him for his part as well as telling him that I am okay and will be okay. I told him that I leave him with only love in my heart and that I will always love him and that I wish him a good life.
I still feel the pain, but it's a healthy pain ( I might feel different and go through the emotional mess like Monday, but that's okay)that I know is what my counselor calls an FGO which means a F!@kin' Growth Opportunity. I am taking this all the way and I refuse to cave and I will grow from this. Thank you everyone for letting me vent.
MidnightBlue

The last thing I sent to him before we embarked on the crazy NC journey was the lyrics to Blessid Union of Souls "Peace and Love." Wanna hear it? Tough, you're going to anyway, just a short bit of them: ;-)
May every star you wish upon
And every hope you're hanging on come true
Out of everybody in the world
There's no one who deserves it more than you
I hope you find
Everything you've been dreaming of
Only good things
No in-betweens, just
Peace and love
These words did not come easily
Still you know I had to write them down
You must know what you mean to me
I wish that you could always be around
I hope you find
Everything you are worthy of
I'm gonna miss you
But I only wish you
Peace and love
Peace and love
Tears of joy
Kindness of strangers
All of your roads
Paved in gold
By guardian angels
Wherever you may be in this world
My salutation says it all
May you always have enough
Peace and love
MNB, there is nothing wrong with writing that closure email or even with sending it. Writing it gives you the opportunity to purge the feelings from within. Sending it gives you the release of knowing that he knows just how you stand on the issues.
Just keep in mind that he may use this as an excuse for further communication. "What do you mean by . . .?" Why . . .?" Do not let him draw you back in!
Yo can now move forward with your life. Hooray!