I got my finger on the trigger

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2009
I got my finger on the trigger
Thu, 04-19-2012 - 3:07pm

Hello all:

Old but new person on the board, been a while. Ended my 3 1/2 LDA 4 months ago by B and W and have been cold turkey since December. Had some tough days but have resisted temptation to contact. Yesterday I was on the 47th hour of the 48 hour rule with my hand on my phone to call but didn't.

Three triggers have hit me hard lately. My spouse has been rather disrespectful on several occasssions lately. I have some serious health issues that limit my quality of life and happiness. And the anniversary of my A is Saturday would be 4 years. But is it really an anniversary if I ended after 3 1/2? No.

Just wonder what AP is doing but not that much to break my good behavior.

Any thoughts?


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2012
Thu, 04-19-2012 - 4:06pm


I am in the same boat. I've been having a really hard time for the past few days. I am only on week 3 of NC so I don't have any huge revelations to share with you, but I wanted to share this quote I found. I just found it and it kept me from doing something I would regret.

"Don't do something permanently stupid just because your temporarily upset."

I don't know your story, but I do know that we both decided to end our A's. We know it is the right thing to do for us and our families. So lets put our phones down and go do something for ourselves. We can do it!! Just hang on. I hear it gets better. :smileywink:

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Thu, 04-19-2012 - 4:18pm

Good for you for doing whatever it is you did to keep you from pulling that trigger because you would have been the only one to have gotten shot and wounded.

I'm sorry about your health issues and hope they are not too disabling.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2011
Thu, 04-19-2012 - 4:30pm


Definitely put a plan in place for Saturday. I just got through a couple of major "anniversaries," and that helped. I found something to do that did mark the day, but marked it in a way that mattered to me, not to my relationship with xAP. That makes me feel stronger.

And I think you already know that when things upset you, your instinct is to run to xAP, because that's something you've taught yourself over a long period of time. Eventually that will pass too. You already know that running to the person who caused you the pain will not ease the pain.

Pulling for you and hoping your health improves.


Community Leader
Registered: 06-08-2010
Thu, 04-19-2012 - 5:15pm
Hi amexdm,
Good to see you posting here. Kudos to you for holding your resolve and resisting the urge to call. Bird is right - put that plan in place in anticipation of the "anniversary". Do something for you, for your renewed sense of yourself and rejoice at getting your life back. It is tough work, but we are here to encourage you and cheer you on. Keep up the good fight you have already begun!

Hearts <3
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2009
Fri, 04-20-2012 - 1:15pm

Hi TG,

TY for your reply. Yes it is the right thing to do for our families. That resonates w me. At 3 weeks I was very happy to be over with A and strong. Hopefully you are too. Strangely at 2-3 months I felt like fishing because I was like I did it and what's a little phone call gonna do. But I am 4 months NC and it's getting easier I think. Hang in there. I think the longer enders will tell you after a year etc, it gets much easier. I think I'm ok for tomorrow. Have a busy day and going to buy new furniture. Another new start woohoo.

Hope all is well,


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2009
Fri, 04-20-2012 - 1:19pm


Thanks for your response. I think I am ok. I passed the 48 hours and made it. I am very busy tomorrow with activity in the AM and then buying new furniture in the pm. And may even forget about AP completely as I have a brain injury and sometimes get so worked up in life that I forget about alot of things :). My focus now is on my health and my spouse.

Good lookin,


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2009
Fri, 04-20-2012 - 1:22pm


Thanks Bird, the anniversaries kind of stink I guess. But I'm gonna be ok. In fact after Saturday (4 year A annniv) I might be really DONE with it. There will be nore dates to really worry about. Thanks.