I guess this is the end

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2014
I guess this is the end
Thu, 08-21-2014 - 6:29am

I'm a married woman and have been having an affair with a single man (who was previously a friend) for nearly 10 months. It started as an emotional affair and about 5 months ago became physical. This morning I found out he has just started seeing someone. I always knew this would happen in the end, even encouraged him to find someone as we will never really be together and I didn't want him to be missing out because of being with me. But still I'm devastated. I'm most devastated because he didn't tell me, I saw on Facebook that his status had changed. Just last week he told me he loved me and I was shocked and worried that he was getting too attached. He has also said twice during our affair that if he started seeing someone he hoped I wouldn't end the affair - perhaps this is why he hasn't told me, because I told him I would definitely end it if he wasn't single. We were friends before and I don't know whether I feel happy for him/angry with him/hurt/upset. I kind of feel like crying but haven't yet. I made it into work but can't concentrate on anything and really wish that I could go home and hide in bed. Of course with it being an affair I have no-one to talk to and with both of us being at work I can't even contact him to ask him about it.

Most of all I am ashamed with myself. I'm a married woman (3 years) in my late 20s and I should know better than to have let any of this happen, or let it go on so long! I have nearly ended the affair many times (including earlier this week) because of guilt and knowing it was wrong so to be so upset now seems ridiculous. Right now I am trying to convince myself it's a good thing that it's over and that I should work on my marriage but it's still too fresh in my mind. 

Sorry this is a bit rambling I'm just a jumble of emotions right now.