i guess its over.....new here...

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2004
i guess its over.....new here...
1
Wed, 07-21-2004 - 10:03am
Hi all im a MM who up until recently has been in an A with my Ws best friend. It all started out kinda crazy and whatever. Well OW went away for the summer to work at her brothers ranch out west. She left the begining of june. Before she left she would be here hanging out with me and my W at least 3 times a week, then when me and her started our thing we would talk on the phone all the time when W wasnt around. SOOO she goes out west we still talk alot blah blah blah. So then she says shes flying home for a few days to see her mother for her bday and stuff. she comes by to hang out but i got this vibe something wasnt right between us. Text messaged her after she left and over the next couple of days this is how it was left. I ask her if she still wants to continue things, she says "lets wait till i get back for good and see what happens. things could go further than they have but lets wait and see" So i said ok like i said from the begining its all up to you....and that if she wanted to end it just tell me as opposed to talking in riddles. She says she doesnt want to end it but feels guilty all of a sudden, which she never felt before. And just needs the next month while shes away to think and figure things out. So like i said i guess its over. I mean i understand her points i suppose but that doesnt stop me from having my own feelings. So i figure i cant just sit here thinking about this for the next month so my only option is to just forget about her. Im tryin to be strong and not call or text her over this next month. And when she comes back even if she says she wants to continue i dont know if i can after this. Im feeling kinda hurt and angry and really am just trying to figure out how to save the friendship as her and W are best friends and she is here like 3-4 times a week for hours! So any advice on how to get past these feelings so we can remain friends? Am i doing the right thing? Am i crazy? An advice would be appriciated
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 07-21-2004 - 11:06am

Male opinion here:


You're not crazy, just barking up the wrong tree.


Why are you even involved with this "friend"? Or thinking of continuing? Is it for the thrill of getting away with something? Getting even with wife for some argument or dispute? Or just because the opportunity was there and you bit the apple? You chose to get involved. NO one forced you.


Nowhere in your post do I sense any contrition or desire to explore the reasons you used to justify getting involved in the first place.


I suggest you look into your marriage and ask yourself what you're missing so much that you are seeking it from someone other than your wife. And then I suggest you and wife sit down and have a heart to heart conversation about what you're missing in your marriage and discuss how the two of you are going to face this dilemma together.


No point in telling wife about your dalliance. She will dump her friend, possibly dump you and remember your mistake the rest of her life. She may forgive you, however, she won't ever forget, so let the OW go and get working on your marriage. LEarn from your mistake and heed the