i had a relapse!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2010
i had a relapse!
11
Sat, 06-04-2011 - 2:31pm
i dont know what drove me to contact him im still trying to figure that out. Why would I do this to myself? I thought I was doing well but apparently not.

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2009
Sat, 06-04-2011 - 3:22pm
I'm new here, so i don't really know what to say when i don't know your story, but i can only imagine how you must be feeling and i'm really sorry you slipped up.
How long were you NC? And what provoked you to break it? I think its important to tell us what happened so the more experienced people here can guide you on the right track. I'm guessing you came here for help, and these ladies on the board are sure to get to the bottom of why you did it! Hang in there, hopefully the others will chime in soon, but can you give us some more back ground of how you were feeling leading up to this break - i know its tough but you will be helping all of us newbies realise things get tough even when we think we are doing well!
WGO - I'm writing from my phone so i'm sorry if there are typo's
Every recovery is a kind of rebirth
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2009
Sat, 06-04-2011 - 3:22pm
Every recovery is a kind of rebirth
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2011
Sat, 06-04-2011 - 4:38pm

Not So Strong, I don't know what to say as I am not sure what happened... did he respond, did he not respond?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2010
Sat, 06-04-2011 - 5:02pm

today is a tought day because all i can think about is him im back looking at my phone every minute. i had been two months nc. i am single and i was involved

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2009
Sat, 06-04-2011 - 5:27pm
I'm in no position to deal out advice, but i think you already know what you need to do otherwise you wouldn't be here - it would be plain cruel to come here with no plans of stopping contact - so i'm choosing to believe the next move your going to make is sending the text that you are starting NC - and blocking him.
You know this is not healthy, even if your feeling numb you are right back under his thumb again. If he really loved you and cared for you, he would have let you get on with you life, not spinning you a load of BS to get you hooked again. I hope some of the vets come on soon, they are so much cleverer!
Every recovery is a kind of rebirth
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2010
Sat, 06-04-2011 - 5:54pm
yes i am definitely starting nc again and I will continue coming back because I needs all the support I can get. It just makes it much harder when you cant talk about it. this might be the reason why I made contact I guess I just held everything inside.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2011
Sat, 06-04-2011 - 8:42pm
NSS - I am going to echo some advice that the wonderful Bodhi gave you after your very first post on EAS. You can't sit around waiting for the strength to let go - it will never come. Reverse your thinking. Let go first and the strength will come.

You have slipped and fallen as so many of us have. Now pick yourself up, dust yourself off and get back on the road.

WGO gave you some great advice anf you have done this before so you know the drill - block, walk, and dig deep to understand your motivations for breaking NC.

And next time, will you do us a favour and come here BEFORE you send that text? :)

Kat
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2011
Sat, 06-04-2011 - 8:53pm
P.S. if you're serious about wanting our helping and reclaiming your dignity and self-worth, a new screen name would be a great start. Clarity will soon tell you that a name like "not so strong" is like a ball and chain dragging you downwards each and every time you use it. How about "Growing stronger" or something else that reflects the caring, beautiful, capable woman you are inside?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2009
Sat, 06-04-2011 - 9:30pm

Good for you for trying to be honest about the relapse and trying not to slip back into the murky fog of A-land. Interesting thing that when you have started to step back and look at things that we find it isn't as easy to lie to ourself. And though I am sure you felt the "feel goods" of his ILY again, at the same time it sounds like the perspective you learned didn't allow it to rush over you.

Thats the good news, but now the bad. If you stay in contact with him you will fall down in A again. I am someone who before this last 7 mos of NC has broken it many times. You say you feel numb now, but that won't last. If you want out you have to go NC again. Remember his words change nothing, he is stil married, talking to you still lying, reentering A will be the same it was before, cept worse because now you know even more clearly how inappropriate it is.

Why haven't you blocked his e-mails and numbers? Not doing that makes it easy to pick up the phone and send that txt which sends us reeling back in. Block and Walk.

Something I have seen with me and something my therapist spoke about with me is that most actions come as the result of a plan. We talked about how a thought (in this case thinking about xAP, missing etc.) turns into a plan (maybe not one I at first think about following, but a daydream that grows into a plan i.e. "I send that text" or "I just happen to at event he is") and eventualy that plan turns to action. So yes we do have to do somethinking about xAP in healing from this mess, but thats why missing is dangerous and I have learned indulging in missing him is the first step toward implimenting a plan that I will regret.

My gut feeling is that the path to contact him was days or weeks in the making from thinking about the what ifs and I miss yous. You must break that cycle of thinking. Post here when you feel weak, read boooks, go visit a friend, etc. No they don't cure it but in A land being alone with our thoughts too long makes it too easy to rationalize doing things we shouldn't.

So now, okay brush yourself off. Guard your heart, and know you can do this. I have fallen, many others have, but it wasn't the end of the recovery journey.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Sat, 06-04-2011 - 11:01pm

i became everything that i never wanted to be i lost so much of myself in that year i carried and still carry so much guilt.

I'm proud of you for coming here and fessing up,


Pages