I hate myself - I had a set back
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I hate myself - I had a set back
| Mon, 10-25-2004 - 10:15am |
Well, as some may know I was going to run into my xmm this past weekend. My husband works with him and they had a family function at work. Remeber we are all supposely friends and used to hang out all the time. The first time we saw them we ran right into them. I said a few words to her and he was talking with somebody else behind his family. He then came up and said "hey ya'll what's up" and shook my husband's hand. I stood for a second and then turned my head and looked away and then they left. The next time I saw them ahead of time and my husband stopped to talk to him bc he was about 10 feet before them so I walked on to talk to her. They just found out she is pregnant about three weeks ago. That was onr reason why we broke it off bc I wanted another child with my husband. We talked when we were together and I said we would not have any together. I knew that they didn't want anymore children (they have 3) andwe talked about that. She actually went in to get her tubes tied and the doctor told her she was pregnant. I was supportive and said that they would be happy someday and she said "yeah, we are just not there yet". She was on the pill and took some antibiotics and they cancelled the pill out. When xmm and I were together we used to talk about surgery for him bc he defintely did not want anymore kids. So we talked some more and walked over to the husbands. As I walked up I said stop talking about work and lets go to the rides. They talked for a second more and then xmm said "I don't know what we are about to do - are ya'll going over to the rides?" I put my hand on my husband's back whom was standing between me and xmm and looked at my xmm and said "you need to go get your pregnant wife something to eat". He just looked at me for a second and then they left and I said bye to her. I know I should not of said that but I couldn't resist. It felt so wierd to be around him and not say anything to each other. Usually we always talk to one another. I hate that we acted like we did not acknowledge each other. I hate that he didn't even say hey to me or ask what's up like he normally does when we hang out. I know I didn't either. I don't know if he even was looking at me any bc I just couldn't look at him. It really hurts and I feel rejected all over again. Its like he has moved on and I didn't even exist to him anymore. He did have a goatee that day. He knows I love that on him. He had it for about a month when we were together but shaved it off. The wife can't stand it - she told me that when he had it.
Would you feel rejected or feel like I do. Did it look like I was pinning over him or jealous. I would look out for them when we were there but I don't think I ever got caught looking at him. I hope not and I know he has moved on. I want to call and say like the other day felt really wierd and I might have apeared ugly. I'm sure he doesn't care though.
Would you feel rejected or feel like I do. Did it look like I was pinning over him or jealous. I would look out for them when we were there but I don't think I ever got caught looking at him. I hope not and I know he has moved on. I want to call and say like the other day felt really wierd and I might have apeared ugly. I'm sure he doesn't care though.
