I have been in an affair.....HELP.......
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| Mon, 04-25-2005 - 11:10pm |
Hello everyone......I stumbled upon this messageboard hopin for some answers....this is kinda long, but i will TRY and make it short...i ahve known my husband for 10 years, we have been married 8 with three kids...i am 27 yrs old. I was a virgin when i met my husband and up until last year, he was the ONLY one I had been with. Now I met this guy, that I was just so attracted to. we started talking on the phone, and texting each other, and one day we decided to meet up. we had known each other for about four years, but we were just friends....so one day we met up and we kissed...that lead to us meeting up more and more, and then one day the unthinkable happened. now he was engaged, but i was married...well one day i told my husband and my husband knows him so they talked and i talked with his fiance which i also know,and we decided to put this all behind us....well, we did for about two months, then the phone calls started again, and the next thing you know we are back at it again...how do i stop this? I mean, he is married, i am married, and i want my marriage to work. i love my husband but he doesn't give me the emotional support i need. he NEVER notices when i do new things, we are intimate just about every day except during my time of the month, and its like nothing is enough for him. he says he doesn't want to divorce,but I amnot sure sometimes....i want him to love me like he SAYS that he does...the way he talks and the way he acts are TWO diffent things. How do I let go of my feelings for this other guy? I know i can't have him and he knows he can't have me.... i want to love my husband like i used to...sometimes i think i love him but i am NOT IN love with him....does that make any sense? Please, ANY advice will help me!
Thanks!

M8
Your feeling for your husband will never be clear and should not be trusted as long as your messing with some other man having the other man around is just obstructing your view of your husband.
I would suggest that the first order of business would be for you and hubby to get into couples or marriage counceling were an unbiased pro can help you learn to COMMUNICATE better there seems to be a problem in that area.
You want to deal with your "FEELINGS" were XMM is concerned then the answer is simple but not painless TOTAL NO CONTACT in time you will emotionally disconnect from him and when you have done some healing you may find it much easier to connect better with your husband, what ever happens your head will clear up.
A LIGHT BULB MOMENT FOR YOU:::IF XMM wanted to be with you he would not have married his wife after starting a affair with you.....YOUR THE SIDE DISH...HIS WIFE IS THE MAIN COURSE.
Don't settle for crumbs when you have someone of your own.
Oh and welcome don't let me scare you off.
Free
married,
i see u have met FREE our welcoming committe, i say she is right on all points
try small steps, no phone , no email, no text, NO CONTACT
welcome to the board !!
max
Welcome to the board. I agree with what they have told you regarding the MM. As for your husband, you may very well find out that he wasn't or isn't the right man for you. The worst that can come of concentrating on what this marriage has left, is that you might end up realizing he isn't what you want in a life partner. If that's the case, you would deserve a future with someone else who is unattached. (Unlike your MM who is married). And the other side is, counseling or working on the marriage may bring you closer together.
Good luck-and welcome.