I am married, happily except for sex.... to a great guy for 10 years and I have 2 small children, I am mid 30's. I have been in a terrible roller coaster addictive A for 1 year with a MM who is 12 years older than me. We work together but not closely, sometimes I won't see him at work for a few days at a time. He is quite high up in the department and VERY busy and stressed out all the time. We rarely speak at work and for that matter, rarely speak out of work also.... This past year we have not gotten together for IC that much, maybe 11 times total. I thought it was all about sex for him until August, when we finally had a heart to heart talk and he expressed strong feelings and a strong emotional connection where he even pictured us together he said. I thought I was the only one who felt those strong feelings due to the way he treats me which I will get into but he does also, just can't deal with it he says..... He is not good at communicating.... oh shock to most of you.... and is very harsh with me alot of the time like not returning calls and brushing me off due to being sooooooo busy (but he is actually) He can't get out very much to see me, he not only has a wife who watches him closely but 2 teenage kids also who seem to run his house... He is VERY scared to get caught which I totally understand, women are quite smart you know... he,he. My husband is naive so I have never had trouble getting out. Anyways, I have tried to end it many times before with nasty emails and voice mails and it doesn't get much of a reaction from him, I have always apologized a few weeks later and start flirting again and then it starts again... he will get out late at night and phone my cell and do I run to him???? OF COURSE I run to him!!! I am totally addicted to him. I say I am going to be cold to him when he phones then my phone will ring, I will see it is him, AND I FREAK out it seems, I practically MELT and then I am soooooo nice to him!!!! I run to him all the time, he does not deserve this niceness..... He is totally rude to me also... he knows that I need more IC than him due to "being in my prime" and he gets worried that I have gone elsewhere cause he sees the attention I get at work for other men. The NC with him for sometimes 5-6 weeks drives me crazy and he knows it but he won't try very hard to see me even when he knows I REALLY WANT HIM.... is this totally rude??? He tells me I am a drama queen, spoiled and a control freak and that I can't control "this".... but he is the control freak wouldn't you think???
I emailed him a nasty email 2 weeks ago when he did not return my calls on a weekend when he knew things were really getting to me and I called him twice on his cell, which I normally DO NOT do on weekends. He couldn't get away for like 10 minutes to give me call so I emailed him this comment back at work that following week:
"I called you 2 times this weekend... wasn't aware you were glued to your wife and can't get away for 10 minutes to call me back. That was the last straw, I can't believe how f'ing stupid I have been. I could never be that rude or selfish to anyone"
That is all I said and as usual, got no raction from him..... He said hello and good morning and stuff like usual but I just ignore him, I can tell he is not impressed but that is what I have been doing this whole year, giving him the silent treatment when he hurts me. He doesn't call me to apologize and then I give in.... HELP me end this once and for all. I know I hurt him also with my rude emails and silent treatments but I can't help it. All I do is cry about this nasty A..... I have had A's before and the men have been really nice and I always end it cause I get bored. I am addicted to the chase in this A......
This guy Soooo has your number, he is playing you like a PRO, he has you believing every lie he tells you about his wife and kids.
He sees you as little as he does because that is how much you really mean to him, he is rude because he can be because you will just keep comeing back for more and he knows it.
Read blueeyedgirls post about WHAT I LEARNED TODAY, I think you will see your CHEATING MARRIED MAN in there.
Your husband is TRUSTING, that is something your going to lose forever it is just a matter of time when you do this CMM will mean nothing to you at all, all that will matter is your destroyed marriage and family.
I would suggest that you consided individual counciling ASAP because none of this is about sex with your husband, this affair is totally about you.
Sorry to sound harsh but your heading over a cliff and you need to stop before it is to late.
JMHO
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Deal with XMM by being professionly polite and nothing more or less, no personal info either way.
The fact that he is asking if you have found someone else suggests that he is a serial cheater, he does it so he expects others to do it.
Your answer if you choose to answer such questions this is were I work I deal with my private life at home not here.
A good idea to start dealing with the root issues behind this before they extract a big price.
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