I have no one to talk to....

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-15-2009
I have no one to talk to....
17
Sat, 11-07-2009 - 10:40am

Hi,


I haven't been on this board for awhile....my most recent post was on another board talking about my marriage, trying to make things work with my ex-DH.


But here I am, and no matter how much I try to deny it, I've never stopped loving ex-MM.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Sat, 11-07-2009 - 11:48am

I think you should get all your crying out and mourn the loss.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Sat, 11-07-2009 - 12:47pm

>Also bear in mind that it is never healthy to be this hung up on a person no matter who they are<


Hey Vic :)


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2009
Sat, 11-07-2009 - 12:55pm

Hi Mickey,
I can imagine how you must feel, since I am in an LC situation myself.

But the one thing that I notice, is that the things I dread so much, aren't all that bad after all.

My xAP is not going anywhere, he lives very nearby, but whenever the weekend would come, I would dread it so much... I would be sad that I would not see him for a few days. But then after a few hours into the weekend, I realized: it's not all that bad!
And at the end of the weekend I was regretting that I had to see him again.

Or: when he went on a vacation.
I dreaded the moment so much.. I thought I would cry the whole vacation, but I did not. I felt relieved! I felt free for the first times in many months, and again, when he was about to come home, I wished he would have stayed on a vacation forever.

This doesn't mean that you should stop feeling so sad right now. I know you feel sad, and I would probably feel just as sad and upset, but try to keep in mind that this IS a good thing for you... You don't see it right now ( I can imagine!) but in a little while you will see that this truly is the best.

When you don't have to be in LC with him anymore, but NC, you will get the chance to heal... and I think it's a much better healing than while being in LC. I am still hoping that my xAP will move too. Far far away.

I can understand how you're feeling, so here's a big big hug for you,
we're here for you to comfort you. You will get through this. You will.

Hugs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Htgo

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2007
Sat, 11-07-2009 - 1:33pm

Hi Mickey, I feel those words - I have no one to talk to.........


I feel like I'm close to what you are dealing with, except my xAP isn't leaving the office next Friday, as much as I wish he was.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2009
Sat, 11-07-2009 - 5:49pm

I just have to add. I hear so many posts about men choosing their wives over the OW. Sometimes, honestly its not about that. Its about the life, the kids, the money. They may decide that life with the OW may be a 10, but add the ex wife, messed up kids and child support and it takes it back to an 7 or 8. While life with the wife might be a 5, but add in the life, family, stigma of being the guy who left his wife, it brings it up to an 8.

So I know we all take it personally, but realize that unless you are in a bad, abusive marriage, sometimes we have to make hard choices. And if you are married, you'd also make a hard choice. And of course its always a gamble that the reality of the relationship will be equal to the dream of the relationship.

For me, my A and I both are working on our marriages now after a DDay. And the above applies. And for us it was always this mutual love and respect and friendship. So in the end we both want the best for eachother. If he can be happy in his Marriage, I am happy for him, and I am certain he feels the same.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-15-2009
Sun, 11-08-2009 - 7:26am

'Time for everyone to face their addiction head on, grit their teeth, get through the withdrawals with support and medication if necessary...just let go and get on with life.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-15-2009
Sun, 11-08-2009 - 7:35am

Hi How,


I completely relate to what you're saying.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-15-2009
Sun, 11-08-2009 - 7:42am

Hi J,


I agree and hear what you're saying.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2009
Sun, 11-08-2009 - 9:53am

Hey Mickey,

You said:
"I think knowing I'd see him again made things 'okay'...and now I don't know if/when I will see him again after next week. "
Yes, I get what you're saying. I am not sure how it will be once he is out of your life for good :( I have never experienced that, although I really wish that xAP would move... I am sure I would feel very sad about not ever seeing him again, but still having to see him on a daily basis is making me sad too...

No Contact = No New Hurts, is what they say here on EAS. And I believe it's true. In LC there keep coming new hurts... like when he doesn't say the things you would like to hear, or when he acts coldly or whatever...

But well, what can I say??? I totally understanding why you are worried about the coming week and about him leaving.
So: BIG HUGS!!!!! (and it's okay to cry... I don't believe I ever cried so much over something as I cried over xAP... OMG, sometimes I think I am never able to stop crying! )

HTgo

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-15-2009
Sun, 11-08-2009 - 10:30am

Hi How,


NO CONTACT = NO NEW HURTS.... I like that.


You're right though, cause right now, with the LC....days go by and I start to think 'I'm handling this', 'I'm getting over him'....then BAM!!

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