I have no one to talk to....

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-15-2009
I have no one to talk to....
17
Sat, 11-07-2009 - 10:40am

Hi,


I haven't been on this board for awhile....my most recent post was on another board talking about my marriage, trying to make things work with my ex-DH.


But here I am, and no matter how much I try to deny it, I've never stopped loving ex-MM.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2009
Sun, 11-08-2009 - 10:46am

Yes, me too... I always feel quite good on Sundays. At first I thought because it was because I would see him again on Monday, but now I realize that it is because he can't hurt me when I don't see him... It's true.

And yes, after next week he can't hurt you anymore!
Like you, I sometimes think 'oh well, I am handling things quite well' , but only the smallest thing has to happen to upset me again.
Like him giving me a cold look... or him not being friendly... or hearing him say 'honey' to his wife.

At least when you DON'T see him, he can't do anything to upset you!

I totally agree with you when you say you have to go through the grieving part. And you will go through it.. and you will come out MUCH stronger.

***************************************************************
This is part of what I wrote down when my xAP was on a vacation:
"It's not bad at all without xAP in my life! I feel happy and relieved, and I can do whatever I want to do. I don't have to worry
all the time that he will be coming by. I don't have to wonder all the time 'is he mad at me? Is he annoyed? Did I say something wrong?'
And it's not boring at all when I don't see him.

I can do whatever I want, whenever I want. I don't have to look my very best all the time. I can lay on the couch whenever I want to, without xAP barging into my house, saying that I am lazy (I am not!)

Sex is not important. I can live without. I am NOT a toy. I am someone
to be respecte and I will not ever let myself treat like that by someone again. If he wants sex, he can go to his wife, he should not come to me 'his whore'. I am NOBODY's whore, I respect myself and I feel good without him.

So don't be afraid when he distances himself from you. When he is acting mad or annoyed, ignore him. He does not exist for you anymore, pretend as if he never existed. He is JAM, Just A Man.
Push him out of your life"

*************************************************************

That's how I felt when he was on his vacation. But he returned and with him ALL THE DRAMA. I am sick and tired of all the drama. I really am.

What can I say, Mickey? After next week you don't have to push him out of your life anymore, he walked out of it himself. And it's good.

You will get through this, you will!!!!!!!!!!!

HUGS,
Htgo

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Sun, 11-08-2009 - 10:56am

Morning Mickey :)


How are you today?


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-15-2009
Sun, 11-08-2009 - 12:06pm

Hi again How,


I agree with everything you've said.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2009
Sun, 11-08-2009 - 12:25pm

Oh yes, I completely agree what you say about grieving and pretending that he's dead. Yes it sounds horrible, but I am having those thoughts myself (not that I wish him dead or anything!), but it's kinda hard to pretend someone is not alive anymore, when you see him walking around daily LOL. Hm, that sounds scary. A dead man walking around. I guess my imagination goes a little too far ha ha

Yes, sometimes the head overpowers the heart, and sometimes the heart overpowers the head :( I know all too well how that feels. Today I am feeling good, but tomorrow? I don't know what tomorrow will bring.

I hope the coming week goes by soon for you. I really do :(

HUGS

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-15-2009
Sun, 11-08-2009 - 2:00pm

'I hope the coming week goes by soon for you. I really do :('


Thanks...me too.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-15-2009
Sun, 11-08-2009 - 2:14pm

'Were you actually prepared to accept your xAP if he had come to you and said "I'm here, baby,

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Sun, 11-08-2009 - 2:50pm

It was the first way...I was not asking if you are NOW PREPARED because you are prepared at this point to move onward and forward...as you said "this is actually a blessing" :)


Once xAP is out of your picture, your marriage stands a chance.


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