I have a question

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2004
I have a question
15
Sun, 08-01-2004 - 7:52pm
This is my question: How is it that in a 17 year marriage, She (Wife) would have no idea that her husband had cheated on her five times and with me being the sixth time ending in pregnancy? Doesn't a woman know these things? Also I understand not to "tell him off," cause it will be a waste of time(read what you said free and posie) Yet I wonder if speaking to her in an informative way would benefit her. I know she is innocent as was I until I found out he was married,(I noticed that he said he was going away for christmas and I asked where to)that was when he told me he was married, he never wore a ring which ofcourse I now know is not a great indidcator to know if a man is married or not:-P(my mistake was to continue on with him) ANYhow so my questions are how could she not know being in a 17 year marriage? and if speaking to her of what he told me would be informative to her?


sincerely,

RO.

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anonymous user
In reply to: pycnogi
Mon, 08-02-2004 - 8:06pm
Hiya Ro,

You mentioned in another thread that MM gave all your details to his DW (name, phone numbers, school, parents' address, etc) and that both MM's DW and MM's own mother contacted you by phone.

If MM's DW feels the need to speak to you, she is able to pick up the phone and ring you again, sweetie. If DW does go through with her threatened divorce (and don't be too surprised if she doesn't) then you can be fairly sure there is a possibility that someone (either DW or DW's lawyer's office) will contact you for some of the more gory details.

As much as you are hurting, as much as you may want to lash out and seek revenge on MM, you MUST remember DW is hurting, too. Also keep in mind that DW didn't hurt you, lie to you or take advantage of you - MM did. MM's children are every bit as innocent as your children.

Please don't punish DW for something DW's husband did and don't punish MM's children for something their father did.

You wouldn't want anyone to add to your pain or cause distress to your own children, so don't do to DW what you wouldn't want done to yourself, honey.

My exMICR's DP left it a few weeks then phoned me several times a day for a month or so during which time I told her absolutely everything. The vital difference is that she wanted to know and she asked me for the information when she was ready and able to hear it.

If DW needs or wants the full story, she'll ask you for it.

Wishing you strength & peace,

Posie

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2004
In reply to: pycnogi
Tue, 08-03-2004 - 12:45am
Um hey everyone, I am confused? (Posie I changed my number)Everyone seems to think I want to "lash out" at his wife or make her miserable? I do not want to. I don't care to waste my time to. I am hurt, but I have never been a vengeful person. I just thought that the fact that he gave me an STD was something important for her to know. Sure I am sure she most likely has it but may not know she "has" it. Because obvioulsy she had no idea he was cheating. well based on what I have read thus far from people on this board, it seems that this kind of information is not worth telling her. Actually after my posting, I hope that he tells her the truth, though I doubt he will. I will see him in court anyhow. I have filed suit for defamation of character and of course paternity and child support. it'll take a few months for the court date, but by then the child will be here for the paternity testing.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-19-2003
In reply to: pycnogi
Tue, 08-03-2004 - 10:38am

Here's what you asked in your original post:


ANYhow so my questions are how could she not know being in a 17 year marriage? and if speaking to her of what he told me would be informative to her?


You said nothing of STD's or wanting to protect her from anything.

**Maggie**
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2004
In reply to: pycnogi
Wed, 08-04-2004 - 5:18pm
PURE TRUST.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2003
In reply to: pycnogi
Wed, 08-04-2004 - 10:38pm
If he gave you an STD, you HAVE to tell his wife of this. It IS the humane thing to do. You could do it anonymously, whatever, but do tell her!

ataraxis

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