I have a sore tummy
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| Wed, 12-22-2010 - 4:10pm |
My stomach hurts. I have a niggling headache. My breathing is off, somehow...like I'm forgetting to breathe and then doing some big sighs.
I am going to go for a jog round the park shortly. I know this is just the ending manifesting itself. I haven't cried/ sobbed/ screamed. So it's coming out physically. I do get that.
I also feel slightly panicked because I know he finishes work for the year in about 2 hours time and my mind keeps saying, "LAST CHANCE! Call him and tell him you made a mistake!"
And then the physical symptoms would disappear, in an instant. However, I know full well that would be the wrong thing to do for ME.
So yeah, just sharing. I expected to fall to the ground broken, but I haven't. I am enduring the physical pain knowing it's going to lessen each day I stay silent and keep him the hell out of my world.:smileyindifferent:

That helped a little. Going out in the sunshine and fresh air has helped me think better too. While I was running I was aware the physical tension was released, a little at least.
I also like running (more like shuffle in my case) because it is mentally soothing.
And while I was out I realised One Absolute Truth.
He hasn't rung me to say he has left his wife for me and can't live without me. And that was never ever going to happen. So everything in the last four years that I saw and heard and had and felt is mine for the next forty if I want it.
The Way it Was is The Way it Is.
If that makes sense :-)
Hi Lulu,
Good for you to recognize the symptoms and get out of the house.