I heard the news today, oh boy
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I heard the news today, oh boy
| Thu, 06-24-2004 - 12:53pm |
I've been bracing myself for this for awhile. I knew it wouldn't be long before I'd get word of my XMM getting a new job 800 miles away (to join his wife who has been there for almost a year). I was fearing the worst -- that it would hurt terribly to hear it from someone else instead of from him, especially since he made me promise him when we broke up almost 7 months ago that we would always keep each other apprised of any major changes in each other's lives. So, I heard thru the grapevine today, and I feel... NOTHING. I'm still curious as to whether he will ever feel the need to tell me about this at some point, but beyond that -- no real emotion.
I share this because a couple of months ago I was still obsessing about this so much, I thought I'd NEVER be able to handle it. And now it's happened, and I am fine, and I can clearly see how far I've come! There is hope, for all of you who are experiencing fresh pain!

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I feel so bad about even posting this because I feel like I've been bragging about how far I've come, and here I am at 7 months, still allowing myself to feel pain over this. If I were advising myself, I'd say "Get a life! Concentrate on yourself, not what is going on with him!" I feel like a pathetic loser for not being able to let go after all this time.
Don't be so hard on yourself. We ALL have these "weak" moments. You MUST tap into your resolve and fight them. Stand up....and shake it loose. Go for a long walk....head aover to a bookstore and buy the first book that appeals to your interest. Go to a park and dive into it. Whatever it takes to get your mind off of this guy. Do you think for one minute he is obsessing over you? He didn't even tell you he was moving. He wanted a clean break and slate....now you need to follow suite. You can do it.
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Hi, Katie! I'm gonna put in my .02. First, you are not a pathetic loser. Second, it's absolutely normal to have a little relapse in the recovery period. You've been holding yourself on check for two months. It's time to let yourself grieve, cry, and let go.
I've got a sidenote for you abou the new address. GB lived in a town about 10 minutes away from where Sean and I lived before we moved to Vegas. A few months before we moved GB, and his wife bought a house in the same town we were in. He told Sean. He told everyone else. Did he tell me? No. Was I curious? Yes. Did it hurt that he didn't tell me? Even though our affair had been over for more than a year, it still hurt, but I went on.
When we moved over here, Sean still had loose ends to tie up with the business he was closing there. Sean stayed with GB and his family! He called me from the man's house! I did ask for the phone number so that I could contact Sean if I needed to. Sean gave it to me. I still do not have his address, nor do I really want it. I do know within a couple of blocks where they live, but I'm not gonna go looking for him.
Oh, Sean and GB were friends before and during our lengthy affair. They have maintained their friendship. It's not as frequent as GB would like it be that they get together and that is fine with both Sean and me! GB is coming over to Las Vegas sometime in July (supposedly). No, he WILL NOT be staying with us!
Anyway, the point is, you are being quite normal! Do not beat yourself up over this. In fact, take your own advice!!
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