I hit *67 and told the Wife.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2003
I hit *67 and told the Wife.
57
Mon, 12-20-2004 - 6:15pm

After 2.5 years in an affair where we both are in love but he is married with 2 kids. The 1st child is from her previous relationship but he raised the kid as his own. He has ben telling me he just couldn't see putting him through a 2nd broken home and has always told me he can't abandon his kids. I have watched him become a miserable very unhappy bitter man because of our love for each other but him KNOWING what we were doing was wrong.

I myself have been through hell....moving away, breaking it off, begging for him not to call--then I go and call him. We have tried to break it off and we just couldn't. I feel we are both wonderful caring people but we have been very selfish because we didn't walk away when the feelings were there and we KNEW what would happen.

After being on the merry go round forever I knew the ONLY way to ebd things was if SHE found out. So I hit *67 and when she picked up I said "He's cheating on you" and hung up. I had convinced myself this was the only way out. Well when she confronted him he told her everything. Said he loved me but loved his kids and it was impossible. He said he answered every question honestly and even told her that if the kids weren't in the picture he would've left her a long time ago. He doesn't know it was ME that called and he hasn't asked either.

That was a week ago. He said they are talking and trying to figure out what to do. He told me he told he he loved me but couldn't imagine being a part time dad either. He was puking and crying all weekend. We agreed that we shouldn't see or talk to each other until it's done one way or another.

As evil as I feel for calling there is a bigger sense of relief. No more rollercoaster or NOT knowing for sure what will happen. I just wanted it to end one way or another.

BUT what do I do if they split and he comes to me? I never stopped to think about what a terrrible secret I will have to keep from him. How can I ever tell him what I've done? How will I look him in the eye?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2005
Sat, 01-22-2005 - 9:56am


Posiepops,

Not sure if you were having a bad day or if you are like this all the time. This is a support board and what you said was just plain cruel and down right reprehensible.

It is totally okay to disagree, however, to be malicious to Shoegal as you were is inexcusable.

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Anything of value you may have said or will say on this board was and will be tarnished by the paragraph above.

Lillsilly

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2004
Sat, 01-22-2005 - 10:40am

Lill,


<<>>>


Highly unlikely but you're entitled to you opinion, I suppose. Posie has been a long time poster on this board and has offered up amazing reality checks and balances. True,

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2004
Sat, 01-22-2005 - 11:37am

Hiya Lillsilly,

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Exactly which part of the above statement is inaccurate?

Strength & peace,
Posie

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2003
Sat, 01-22-2005 - 2:53pm
Your situation and OM sounds SOOO much like mine! You aren't by any chance in Maryland??
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2004
Sat, 01-22-2005 - 4:38pm
No matter how much MM hurt me I still would never dream of picking up the phone and calling the W. Why? Because what has she ever done to me. I'm the one who had the affair with her Husband, i am the one who is the lier, the betrayer and the Cheater. She is only the W who has no clue that her H is messing around. If MM wants to tell her then that his place too not mine.
Why would I want to ruin Someones Marriage when the MM obviously does not want to be with me. He chose her not me. It's just bad Karma to rat MM out. What goes around comes around.
I'm not judging you though. I Know that right now you are hurt and sometimes when our heart is broken we act irrationaly and then later regret what we have done.
The Advice I give to you is too just let it go, the longer you try to hang on to negitive feelings the worse you are going to feel.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
Sat, 01-22-2005 - 6:34pm

I don't really have much to add, but just want Posie to know that I defend her all the way. I haven't always liked what she had to say because, quite frankly, the truth hurts sometimes, but she tells it like it is without judging. Once you're not hurting so much over the end of the A, her words will hit you like a ton of bricks. when I happen to be feeling weak over xMM I can just reread her posts to me and it makes me remember why it ended to begin with. Gotta thank you for that Pose. Over 2 weeks out NC now!! (And still feeling strong and empowered!)

Just one more thing. I won't say the thought of calling his W (my x-friend) had never crossed my mind, especially when he continued to contact me after she found out about us, and she would "throw in my face" that it was over between her H and I. Sometimes I just wanted to call and say "hey, if "over" between us, why don't you drive by my house and see who's here right now." But it would've been out of pure anger and wanting her to hurt the way I was. She did nothing to me and doesn't deserve the hurt I wanted to throw on her. Now when I think back I tell myself, if he STILL has to hide it, it means he STILL doesn't want her to know, which means he STILL doesn't want his marriage to be over. Or else why would he care if she found out?

Anyway, not sure if any of this makes sense, but felt the need to say something I guess.

PAL

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2004
Sun, 01-23-2005 - 3:41am

IN this day and age, I surprised they don't have caller ID---or does your number come up as anonymous?

That was a hell of a risk you took in going up on her territory and talking to her. What if she *69'd you and started asking a lot of questions? Were you prepared to give answers to her?

I doubt that it will result in divorce. He seems, from what you posted, to be devoted to the children---and if she can find a way to work through it, you may have done their marriage-for-the-sake-of-the-children a huge favor; they might be numb to each other and will set a really disappointing example to the kids about what married people are supposed to be like with each other, but there will at least be 2 parents in the home.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2005
Sun, 01-23-2005 - 7:08pm

Hi,

No i'm all the way over in Scotland!

As for Posiepops i think her name is i'm not a big girl actually i'm celebrating my 18th birthday in a few weeks while the married B is 45. I was just 16 when the affair started so a month earlier and he'd be in jail for paedophilia so perhaps use that overopinionated brain of yours and think before you go launching personal attacks when you really havn't got a clue - were you sent for an abortion at 17 ALONE because you got pregnant because he doesn't like the feel of condoms?No - i don't think so. And another thing i havn't been "dumped", in fact he won't leave me alone. So once again

engage brain - replay message in head - transmit message to mouth - speak

So even though everyone hated me when they found out they all said i was a victim - and as i say had i been a month younger i'd have been a legal victim of paedophilia - so what smart ass comment am i going to get back for that i wonder??

Sugaree_31 i'll send you a message hun and we can chat

Thank you to all of your messages of support

Steph

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2004
Sun, 01-23-2005 - 7:44pm

Hi Shoegal,

The way out for you is to go to the police before your 18th birthday in a few weeks and report him. He needs to be in prison for what he's done and you should really consider some therapy.

Good luck to you, sweetie.

Meez 3D avatar avatars games

"When I meet a man, I ask myself 'Is t

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2004
Mon, 01-24-2005 - 6:08am

Wah-hey Shoegal,

I'm in London and my father's a Jock, so much more in common than you might have thought, eh, hen? For those on these boards, the legal age of consent in the UK and Scotland is 16 rather than 18 as it is in the USA. And if you're big enough to be playing with adults, you're big enough to be treated as one, aren't you?

I'd be most interested to find where I have personally attacked you. I'm big enough to apologise where it's warranted so feel free to cut'n'paste at will.

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No, even at 17 I realised that if it ain't bagged it don't get shagged. Regardless of whether it's a single man or a married man you're boffing, YOU are responsible for your body. No one *got* you pregnant, you allowed it to happen by having unprotected intercourse.

If you want to put an even more scary spin on all this, Shoegal, be glad you didn't receive a death sentence in the form of HIV since Scotland has the highest proportional ratio of HIV/Aids patients within the whole of the UK & Channel Islands. Free advice is worth what it costs, but I'm telling you if that willy is in Scotland, married or not, I'd be double or even treble bagging it...

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Well, my exOM still attempts to contact me, it's not something I'd brag about nor does it mean I am any more or less desirable as a woman nor any more or less worthy as a human being. It also doesn't mean that my affair is any less over for exOM's sad & rather disrespectful attempts to re-establish contact when I've stated clearly where the boundaries lay.

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The fact remains that you *weren't* a victim of paedophilia under the laws of England, Wales & Scotland where you state you reside but you *were* certainly naive enough to fail to protect yourself from pregnancy and lethal STD's. No smart arse comments from me, however, "No glove - No love" would seem to be appropriate.

Strength & peace,
Posie