I hit the all time low AFTER 8 WEEKS
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I hit the all time low AFTER 8 WEEKS
| Fri, 11-05-2004 - 9:06am |
Well I lost all strength yesterday, Through a mutual friend of ours he asked me to call and like an ass I did. I was so caught up in the fact that my god he is actually trying to reach me again and so you guys I caved. Listening to his voice yesterday only proved to me how much I care for him and missed him, I feel so torn up inside today because we talked to each other yesterday like if we were the best of friends. It was so nice talking to him but I realized how much I set myself back, I cried so much after we hung up. I MISS HIM, I DONT WANT TO GET CAUGHT UP WITH THIS AGAIN. It is so easy to fall back into a pattern again. I feel really sad and depressed right now, I just dont know how I am going to get through the day. A part of me is happy because I heard from him and the other is so angry at myself for picking up the phone and doing the unthinkable. WHY WONT THE PAIN GO AWAY, WHY DOES IT TAKE FOREVER, I FEEL FOR THOSE ON THIS BOARD THAT SAY IT HAS TAKEN YEARS, I DONT WANT TO BE ONE OF THOSE. How is it possible that a person can have such an impact on our lives, this is horrible but not even my H ever had this effect on me. Wishing everyone hear today lots of strength, I wish I would have had that yesterday.
Take Care..
Ladybug

I'm sorry you had a set-back. Pick yourself up and go back to the methods suggested of deferring your thoughts. You know, like picturing a STOP sign, snapping the rubber band on your wrist (by the way that HURTS!!!)
If you've ever listened to Dr. Phil he says, 'time doesn't heal wounds' - 'its what you do with that time'.
If you can, get yourself to the bookstore and read about affairs. It's what I did, it helped me tremendously. Last week I saw a book called "Letting Go". It talks about all the stages and behaviors that people have.
It took me 3 months to be able to sleep normally again. And I am so relieved now. Just remember there is light at the end of the tunnel, but it is up to YOU. We all have set backs but when we do, we need to LEARN from them. That's what smart people do. We learn from our mistakes. Smarter people learn from others mistakes.
Hugs to you.
you need to be strong. you need to think about that call as a closure. you spoke, your friends, it was an experience now you need to move on.
be strong you can do it again!!!
redirect your thoughts when you think about him. dont let him consume you more than what he already has. refocus your energy on your dh. you told me things were going good right?
go out and do something that will make YOU feel good and start again!
you can do it! we are here for you.
upsidedown
Try to look at it like this...if you were an alcoholic who was sober, and you took a drink, it would kick in the "craving" for more alcohol. You would want more, feel bad about taking that drink, etc. The same is true for this situation. You were "sober" from your A. You had some time in away from it. You took another hit. Now you're back to where you were in the beginning (although not quite...you at least know that you CAN stay away from it if it's what you want). The bottom line is this: if you truly want to be over this affair and to move on, then you have to do just that. DON'T HAVE CONTACT!!!! Know that every time you do, you will be suffering a setback. If you stick to your guns and don't call just because he asked you to, or don't answer the phone just because it's him calling, eventually you WILL get past it and not be feeling the way you do now. Guaranteed.
Stay strong!
Silly
Hi Ups,
Yes I had a feeling that I would hit rock bottom again after I saw his Pic. I feel very weak and foolish having made that call. If only he would have been mean or I dont know just dry, but he wasn't he was as sweet as ever and that just blew me away. This does not mean I will go back to him becuse I know its impossible for both of us. The affair is over and it will staythat way I can promise you that. It still hurts like if it was the first day we ended.
Things with my hubby could not be better, hes such a great guy, how guilty I feel, but I would never ever tell him about my indiscretion. It would tear my family apart. I should of thought about that yesterday, but I was just so flattered that he was still looking for me that's why I called. Well today starts day one all over again.
How are you doing? I hope better than me.
Take Care and Thank You,
Ladybug
I just want you to know that yes, the affair is over and thats the way I want it to be.
Yesterday was a very very weak moment for me and I caved. If you dont know my story briefly I will just say this, The affair did not end because we wanted it to, It was because we almost got caught and we both freaked and said it needed to be over. Never did I have any problems with him and thats what makes it so hard to let go sometimes. I have been strong, but this week it hit me like a ton of bricks and I lost all will power. We both still feel the same or each other, but there is no light at the end of our tunnel. I will not go back to that drink again.
Thank You for your support.
Ladybug
Don't worry about it and start over. I slipped about three weeks ago because he had been pestering me and finally left me a vm saying please call me in a really sad voice. I always think if I needed him so bad and said please call me and he didn't it would hurt me so bad so I called out of kindness and decency. But I told him that I wanted NC for both of us from now on and he promised. I broke 29 days.
Now he recently IMd me after he promised so I blocked my computer because decency and kindness can only go so far SELF PROTECTION is number one when THE PAIN lasts so long. (I am the years of pain person you spoke about--really only one year)
But the good news is that I have rounded up 21 days again today and 6 weeks since I saw him and it was easier this time. I really have given up on it. I got a D, he stayed M and so now we need to live in the REAL WORLD with our REAL CHOICES. I realized that part of me that longed for him all day every day was running away from dealing with my REAL LIFE. I don't want any part of that man any more unless he wants to live in REAL LIFE with me. An A is not my real life--it is just a small piece of it and crumb that I am thrown and I deserve the whole cake and so do you!!
Anyway, just start over and REMEMBER THIS PAIN AND SUFFERING the next time you want to break NC.
Survive
Thank You, Wow 1 year, I can only hope that months from now I will be saying Its over, No more sadness,depression, hurt, etc.... I am sorry you have been going thru this, I that I do plan on starting all over again. I did block my e-mail from him a while ago, but as u see he got to me thru a mutual friend. He wont call my home or cell, because thats what almost got us caught, hubby happen to be home when he called.
Take Care,
Ladybug