I hit My Wall

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2010
I hit My Wall
26
Mon, 12-13-2010 - 2:15pm

It doesnt happen often...but when It does,

IT ROCKS ME TO MY CORE.

Suddenly I feel like Im scrambling - (in my head) and FIDGETY as if Im shaking to get that fix.

Im so meticulous, that when my house of cards come tumbling down....I know EXACTLY what unraveled me.

1. I had a date on Friday

2. We went to the hospital Saturday night (still no baby); he reached out to my daughter's boyfriend to check on the baby status

3. I start

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. I started looking inside and went NC October 15, 2010

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Mon, 12-13-2010 - 2:34pm

Michelle,

I have only a few seconds, soooo crazy rushed... but I just wanted to say I admire your thorough approach and that your Xap is a total narcissistic asswipe.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004
Mon, 12-13-2010 - 2:42pm
Michelle, big big hugs to you:) I understand how you feel that you want to be moved on from all of this. I do too, we need to be patient and go through these hurdles and bumps. I admire your determination to move forward and to date. I was thinking though that maybe you might want to hold off on dating for awhile? Two months of nc is wonderful, it's just there is so much for us to resolve that adding someone new into the mix could be too much too much to handle at this point:) You are going to be even better than you ever were, have faith in that because I do! I think it's really crappy that xap is reaching out to your family, he has a lot of nerve to infringe on your personal space and the bit about waiting for him even if it's 34 years is just terrible. You will be at such a beautiful place in your life well before than that he will not even factor into your thoughts. Stay strong Michelle my heart goes out to you for all the loss you have gone through and yes you are worth it. Sending positive vibes to you and your daughter on the birth of your grandbaby:) <3
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2010
Mon, 12-13-2010 - 2:56pm

:( RIGHT?!?!?!? :(

sux man. P'd me off!

Have a good day You !!!

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. I started looking inside and went NC October 15, 2010
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2006
Mon, 12-13-2010 - 3:58pm

Michelle,

You don't sound like you are ready to date yet.

Onward and upward.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-19-2010
Mon, 12-13-2010 - 4:00pm

Dearest Michelle,

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2010
Mon, 12-13-2010 - 4:01pm

Thanks Jen!!!!

Well, regarding the dating - I am doing it CASUALLY. Its worth more to me to do it casually - than it is to just NOT date.

It's teaching me stuff. If it DOES.....get to be TOO much...I will DEFINITELY stop going out.

I will figure out how to cope with this...I always do.

It's simply a bit emotionally "overwhelming" to be WEIGHED down by all my serious stuff. Im feeling the need to escape. I wont. But the URGE is STRONG.

Thank you for taking the time to respond!!!

xoxo,

Michelle

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. I started looking inside and went NC October 15, 2010
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2010
Mon, 12-13-2010 - 4:13pm

The fact that he expects you to wait even a day while he caters to his W and hides you in a secret corner is an insult all the way around. If you waited on him and then started a relationship with this guy in RL what have you taught him? You have taught him that his needs are a lot more important than yours and that you will do anything to keep him in your life even if it means throwing your dignity to the wayside. You have shown this guy that your world revolves around him and that is not good. It feeds his narcissism.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
Mon, 12-13-2010 - 4:36pm

Michelle, my belle.....
No more cyber stalking, here? In the past we have had gals reset their NC meter because of it. I don't want to do that to you because you have been working so hard at this, so I will let it pass...THIS TIME. Please, understand that there are going to be walls that get in the way...you can crash into them, or you can gingerly tear them down. It's your choice.

I am sorry you wiped out today, so get back on that skate board and ride, Sally, ride. ;-) Take a little time to nurse those bruises, but you are so much more together than you give yourself credit for.

((Hugs)))

Be where you are; otherwise you will miss your life. ~ Buddha
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2010
Mon, 12-13-2010 - 5:35pm

Foggy! Dammit Man!!!

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. I started looking inside and went NC October 15, 2010
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2010
Mon, 12-13-2010 - 6:18pm

I'm at work right now but I wanted to reply and extend my virtual hugs to you! I don't have a ton of wisdom for you outside of what you already know yourself and have already said here. BUT I can tell you that I admire your strength, your humanity,

Love, Sunshine Dedicated to living my new life with integrity, truth and positive thoughts! I am worthy of true love and definitely worth the wait!

Pages