Here's an interesting perspective you might find helpful...
Make a special point of reading the single-OW posts here. Pal's story springs to mind, though Pal is not alone in being a single OW. You'll see the pain & anguish they go through as their MM's fence-sit. You'll see how they tear themselves up with each new phone call, email, text, IM, etc - you'll see from Pal's story that her xMM is disrespectful enough to simply turn up on her doorstep. You'll watch them struggling hard to develop the beginnings of a healing scab over their wounds
What you are effectively doing to your OM is exactly what the single OW's xMM's are doing to them. You are taking on the role of the MM's in the single OW's stories here.
You are not free to be with OM and do not intend to make yourself free for him either. Each time you break NC to contact him, you cruelly rip off whatever scab has begun to form over OM's wounds.
By breaking NC, you show yourself willing to rip OM's scab off over & over again and watch as OM's blood flow freely because his pain helps you to feel better about yourself.
It's not a pleasant image, Littlesoul, but ask any single OW here how they feel when their ex affair partner breaks NC when they have no intention of leaving their spouse.
Posie, I'm so flattered that you remember and keep up with my story. You have no idea how much you have helped me.
Littlesoul, Posie is right on every aspect here. My xmm thinks he's doing me or him some kind of favor by re-establishing contact time and time again. It temporarily eases the pain of being without eachother, but after that high of being in contact wears off, you realize that the issues are still there, you still can't have a real relationship, and the pain is fresh and new all over again. It has taken me quite a while to get as far as I have, and even though I know I could start this whole thing up with him again, eventually I'd have to get back here, to this place again. It's not a fun ride.I fought everyone on here who tried to tell me that NC was the only way to go. I now know that it's true. Keep moving forward girl. Don't look back. I wish you the best of luck!!!
Hiya Littlesoul,
Here's an interesting perspective you might find helpful...
Make a special point of reading the single-OW posts here. Pal's story springs to mind, though Pal is not alone in being a single OW. You'll see the pain & anguish they go through as their MM's fence-sit. You'll see how they tear themselves up with each new phone call, email, text, IM, etc - you'll see from Pal's story that her xMM is disrespectful enough to simply turn up on her doorstep. You'll watch them struggling hard to develop the beginnings of a healing scab over their wounds
What you are effectively doing to your OM is exactly what the single OW's xMM's are doing to them. You are taking on the role of the MM's in the single OW's stories here.
You are not free to be with OM and do not intend to make yourself free for him either. Each time you break NC to contact him, you cruelly rip off whatever scab has begun to form over OM's wounds.
By breaking NC, you show yourself willing to rip OM's scab off over & over again and watch as OM's blood flow freely because his pain helps you to feel better about yourself.
It's not a pleasant image, Littlesoul, but ask any single OW here how they feel when their ex affair partner breaks NC when they have no intention of leaving their spouse.
Strength & peace,
Posie
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Posie,
I'm so flattered that you remember and keep up with my story. You have no idea how much you have helped me.
Littlesoul,
Posie is right on every aspect here. My xmm thinks he's doing me or him some kind of favor by re-establishing contact time and time again. It temporarily eases the pain of being without eachother, but after that high of being in contact wears off, you realize that the issues are still there, you still can't have a real relationship, and the pain is fresh and new all over again. It has taken me quite a while to get as far as I have, and even though I know I could start this whole thing up with him again, eventually I'd have to get back here, to this place again. It's not a fun ride.I fought everyone on here who tried to tell me that NC was the only way to go. I now know that it's true. Keep moving forward girl. Don't look back. I wish you the best of luck!!!
Pal