I hope this is the last time
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I hope this is the last time
| Mon, 03-15-2010 - 10:20pm |
In January I came back to say that I decided I was mad enough to end my A of fifteen years.
| Mon, 03-15-2010 - 10:20pm |
In January I came back to say that I decided I was mad enough to end my A of fifteen years.
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Buddy~
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I am sorry you got mixed up in this all over again so let me make one very important suggestion that will help you to break this addiction for good. From this moment on DO NOT tell anyone of your plans. Mum is the word from here on out. There is no reason why anyone has to know your personal plans. It's the same thing for those of us who work with XMM. He no longer has privy to my personal life nor do I offer up anything to him. When He asks what are my weekend plans, I always say I don't know what i'm doing until I get there. That always shuts him up and he finally stopped asking.
You have to start keeping conversations to these "friends" at a minimal. It's time to become aloof and indifferent, not just to them, but most definitely whenever the subject of Xmm comes up if you are around them. People love to gossip so you have to guard everything you say. It doesn't matter if they notice or not. This is not your concern. Until you change how you handle things, nothing is going to improve in other areas of concern. I don't remember if you have a Therapist, but I would highly suggest you find someone to talk to. All your H has to know is that you have been feeling depressed and want to talk to someone...if he asks. You say he seems not to notice much about what's going on around him, so use this to your advantage and get some help. Fifteen years of living a duplicitous life has done more damage than you are aware of.
JMHO,
~Iddy~
buddy, you are not worthless, please don't do that to yourself right now. Thanks for filling me in a little more. It's
thank you bandk, again.
thank you, iddy.
Buddy -
Wow. I don't really know what to say.
Thank you, gal.
buddy,
i hope you will be able to overcome your fear & shame and be able to confide in your therapist. any good therapist worth his/her salt will not judge you and will try to help you help yourself.
in one of your posts you said you deserved a slap in the face. that is not true, buddy. you've been slapping and hurting and beating yourself for 15 years. you do not need more unkindness--not from xap, not from your sisters at EAS, and most of all, not from yourself.
it is impossible to minimize the suffering that goes along with facing and ending an addiction. it is wonderful and strong and healthy that you recognize it for what it is. human beings are resilient and beautifully made. you can recover from this, buddy.
lillie
dear lilli,
i didn't think i had any tears left but cried when i read your response.
hi buddy,
I too hope you can find the strength to share all of this with your therapist. My heart does go out to you. I know you will have a long road ahead of you, but having someone to talk to and help you heal, is so important.
I've been here at EAS for quite some time, over 2 years, maybe edging closer to 4 if I count when I was lurking and reading. Anyway, I hope I haven't offended you in any way.
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