I hope this is the last time

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2008
I hope this is the last time
32
Mon, 03-15-2010 - 10:20pm

In January I came back to say that I decided I was mad enough to end my A of fifteen years.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2008
Wed, 03-17-2010 - 2:56pm

Dear Bandk,


You have NOT offended me one bit.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2009
Wed, 03-17-2010 - 8:03pm

Buddy,

My A lasted only 6 months, but it was with a close family friend. In fact, my H and xap still work out together frequently. They also frequently ask us to hang out and go out with them.

Anyway, I say that just to say that I can not imagine what you are going through. Your xap trying to be in your face all the time like that...... and 15 years. wow. Girl, I am gonna second what Lillie said - You have been denying yourself and beating yourself up for far too long. There is something within you that kept you in the deceptive life for 15 years. Now is the time to wake up, and figure out what that was. But, it is NOT the time to beat yourself up or to allow the guilt or shame to take you down.

What's happened has happened. It is in the past. It's over. But you've got your future ahead of you, and you can do this one day at a time. You deserve so much more than the heartache and pain of the A.

Please keep us updated, and please believe that you are worth it - you are worth the energy it will take to heal and to find yourself again. I'm here for you!

Love,
Hazel

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2008
Wed, 03-17-2010 - 10:57pm

hazel, both times i read this i cried; especially reading your signature, "love, hazel". i feel so unloveable right now and cannot tell you how much your support means to me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
Thu, 03-18-2010 - 1:14am

I apologize beforehand for not reading the entire responses in this thread.


Firstly, do not bash yourself again.

NC since Dec. 9th 2009

No Contact = No N

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2008
Thu, 03-18-2010 - 3:13am

telling my husband would hurt him more than it would help me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2007
Thu, 03-18-2010 - 11:38am

hi buddy,


I think you need a hug girl. (((( buddy))))


Today is a new day. I hope it is as bright and sunny where you are as it is where I live.


You do have to go forward, lostagain is right on that. I know you are questioning everything, the entire relationship, going over conversations, times you spent with him....

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2009
Thu, 03-18-2010 - 11:47am

Buddy,

Just thinking of you today. I hope you are doing okay. Come here and post, let us know how you are.

I'm gonna second what every one else has said. This is the time to put the past in the past, let it go and BE DONE with it.

Buddy,

THIS IS YOUR CHANCE. This is your time. This is your time to get out of this mess, to be FREE. To stop lying, hiding, feeling that guilt and shame, to stop living in a fantasy. Real life can be amazing, if you would only let go of the fantasy world with your A.

Please, please, let this be the day that you step OUT of the cobwebs of the A. Pull off those spiderwebs that stick to you, and step out into a new world where you can be strong and proud and dignified and there is no fear.

You are worth it, buddy!!
Hazel

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2007
Thu, 03-18-2010 - 12:03pm

AMEN hazelrose!


buddy, this is your chance, your time, your opportunity. This is the time to prove to yourself who you are.


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2008
Thu, 03-18-2010 - 1:23pm

dear hazelrose and bandk,


i am here.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2009
Thu, 03-18-2010 - 1:55pm

Hi Buddy,


I just got caught up on your story.