I just did something so IDIOTIC

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2009
I just did something so IDIOTIC
12
Tue, 04-06-2010 - 3:37pm

So I just post that note about missing the sex, log off of iVillage, thinking "got it out of my system now" and what do I do??? I GOOGLE xAP.

NC since October 2, 2009.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2010
Wed, 04-07-2010 - 9:28am

Hi again Gal-

I just had to respond to this... 6 months out is HUGE. I am at day 69 NC/LC today... and that feels really huge :) So you had a set back or a moment of weakness.. it happens, right? So we pick ourselves up again and move on. The idea is to keep moving forward. And you are doing so well.

I can be going along so strong and then the finality will hit me... and it hits me hard. Forever without him seems impossible, but I can only surmise that it will fade. I think back to ex-boyfriends in the past... and how it hurt in the immediate aftermath, but now, today, I rarely think of them even though they were once so important to me... I look ahead with hope that I will feel that way about xap. And you will too.

Hugs,

Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2007
Wed, 04-07-2010 - 10:16am

Hi Gal,

Don't be so down on yourself. You are still moving forward and that is a good thing. I think it's natural to be curious about your xAP. But most of the time it will backfire and create a world of pain and new hurts. Funny, the times I Googled my xAP and found more info on him, I would just feel "bleh", so what, no big deal. All the new info in the world didn't faze me one bit. And why - here's the crazy reason, I felt I knew him, I felt no matter what he was doing, where he was going, I knew the real guy that those other people didn't know. And for some strange whacky reason, that was enough for me to stop. I quickly realized he truly was "just another man". Yeah, he has an interesting life, one very full and robust. And he often felt a need to share it with me. But I have no business in it. What he does, has zero bearing on me and my real life.

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