I just don't know what to do...

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2010
I just don't know what to do...
2
Fri, 05-14-2010 - 2:38pm

My dh has been in contact with xAP several times and xAP really bent his ear this last time about how his marriage is more or less over.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2010
Fri, 05-14-2010 - 4:48pm

Forgive me, I am not 100% familiar with your story... how long have you been NC? It sounds to me like you are still in the fog and you need to put some more separation between yourself and the A so you can see clearly. It's pretty standard advice around here that you NOT make any decisions about your marriage for 3-6 months. You are going to change and grow so much as you recover.


ABSOLUTELY, UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES are you to sneak around your H's back and communicate with xap. You have to show your H and yourself respect and do the right thing. Leading a double life is not the right thing. Not only could you destroy your H, but you will slowly destroy your soul.


My advice, stick to NC, allow the fog to lift, get into MC with your H if he will go, and try to work it out with him without xap in your life. You will never find answers if you allow him to rent space in your head.


Hugs,


Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
Fri, 05-14-2010 - 5:08pm

So many here and in other forums have recommended counseling. Your husband refuses to go o MC or even agree to you going to IC.

Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.