I just sunk so low- Im ashamed

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2010
I just sunk so low- Im ashamed
30
Sun, 02-13-2011 - 12:53am

Hi all

Well after that text on Wednesday from exAP, I started getting curious- well obsessed maybe. I suspected a few mths ago that he was on a dating site, he outrightly denied it and was outraged that I would suspect that.

Yesterday I set up a fake profile and made contact with the profile I thought was him. He replied and signed off with a name that he used with me and our clandestine activities. Its not a common name at all. It was obviously him.

I deleted the fake profile and now feel absolutely as low as a person can feel. His profile was set up 3 mths into our 18mth affair- at the height of when we were 'in love'. I just cant understand it. I have spent the last 24hrs wracking my brain over how he could have done this, why would he- I was giving him the best of everything. I have even started justifying it and coming up with possible excuses for him! How sick is that!!! 'Maybe the intensity of our A was too much and he wanted to look at porn webcams! Maybe he set it up and never used it again- until now!

You are what you consistently do

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2009
Sun, 02-13-2011 - 2:14am
Oh Iggy! - I just want to send you a big hug and say that I am so sorry you are feeling this way. I wish I could give you some advise on how to move past this, but I am still so fresh in my own ending and fighting so many of my demons still, I'm not much help to anyone else here yet. But I feel for you and everyone keeps saying that "this too shall pass". Hang in there. ((hugs))
Alive
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2011
Sun, 02-13-2011 - 4:14am

Iggy, my dear, I'm so sorry to hear this. Putting your hand back in the fire certainly hurts.

I'm sure you'll get lots of wonderful advice soon, but in the meantime - Focus on caring for yourself and be kind to yourself. Breathe. Look for small moments of beauty and joy in the people and things around you. Visit a friend. Write a list of twenty things in your life you are grateful for.

And don't you dare break NC! Nothing says F you like silence :) You said it yourself "I dont want this man- he is a liar and a complete t%rd!" You deserve so, so much more.

With much care,

Kat.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
Sun, 02-13-2011 - 8:06am

You are only tormenting yourself, Iggs. You know this man is a sexual predator with serious insecurity issues, and trying to 2nd guess why he does this or why he does that is very counterproductive to your healing. What you did was dumb, but I can also understand why you did it. I snooped around too and caught my Xmm many times on prono sites during and after our A. Our computers are networked and I knew how to find files he had DL as well as sites he visited. Shot myself in the foot every time.

The real sad thing though was that it didn't disgust me as much as it reduced me. It's hard to accept that the man we slept with had/has a very dark side. We wanted to believe we were special to them, but it is impossible for one woman to fill such a deep void in someone like this. What *IS* possible, is finding ways to fill our own voids. The more time you waste on Xmm, the more time you are stealing from getting to understand yourself.

Sweetie, "When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time." IMO, he texted you the other day because he is on the prowl again, so why not try hitting on someone who rolled around in the mud with him before?

Be where you are; otherwise you will miss your life. ~ Buddha
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2010
Sun, 02-13-2011 - 8:40am

Oh Iggy!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2010
Sun, 02-13-2011 - 8:51am

I echo R4Ms thoughts keep running Iggy and dont look back

New Choices, New Chapter,


New Challenges,

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2010
Sun, 02-13-2011 - 8:58am

Iggy,

You are not going to move past this until you have a "Come to Jesus" meeting with yourself. This crap needs to stop and it needs to stop now. Are you in therapy? If not, you need to get there ASAP. Your obsessing over him is destroying you. Only you can stop that.

<>

You are blaming yourself for what are clearly HIS issues. You are not responsible for the mental well-being of any other adult on this planet. You are only responsible for your well being. Period. No negotiating room. End of discussion.

I almost don't even know what to say except that I am greatly concerned for you and your inability, nee, your apparent REFUSAL, to accept that this A is over and to get busy doing the real work on yourself. It is breaking my heart to read of your struggles.

The only thing I can tell you is that you must get some professional help, and if you are already getting T, perhaps you need to find a new therapist. You must accept the A is over and you must devote all of your time to healing yourself in a productive and healthy manner. What you are doing is neither, which is why you are still in this state of anguish.

Much love and concern,

~alwayst2

Oct. 12, 2010 -- began my personal search and rescue mission.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2006
Sun, 02-13-2011 - 9:22am

Oh Iggy-

Do you know my story?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2010
Sun, 02-13-2011 - 11:10am

Hi Iggy,

Sorry you are going through this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Sun, 02-13-2011 - 11:19am

Iggers,

Big hug, Sweetie Pants.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2009
Sun, 02-13-2011 - 3:19pm

Iggy-

You are still looking for your A to be valid in some way.

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