I know I shouldn't
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I know I shouldn't
| Mon, 09-21-2009 - 11:57am |
I know I shouldn't feel badly but I do....Today is a week NC (I did it without warning and cold turkey, just stopped replying to him) and I got a text from xAP this morning....
If I were in his position

I agree, it will hurt him.
by realising you're doing it for all the right reasons, NC is the quickest way to healing LC prolongs the pain of ending IMHO.
I would add, be consistent if you've gone NC then the kindest thing you can do, is stick with it.
Well done on one week NC, its not easy.
Roxy
Writing him at this point will actually prolong his pain. There is nothing you can say to help his pain. Words are just words.
Writing anything even a short statement cracks the sealed door of NC. You
Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.
this is a toughie. I see both sides, to explain or not explain. If this was my experience, I would simply say "I cannot do this anymore" and NC from that point on. If this person was a longtime friend, then AP, I can see your concern about his feelings. But on the flip side, this was an affair and as we have all come to realize, there just are no rules on that playing field.
Only you can decide what is right for you.
Thanks for everyone's input, it is helpful to hear what others think but NC is still a very difficult thing to follow through with and not obsess about!...
Still thinking about sending one last message to have closure and give him an explanation.
No, your thoughts are not crazy ;-), and don't worry about letting it all hang out here. It not only helps you, but others who are reading to see that they too share the same feelings as others.
abigmess, I know, personally I could not just go cold turkey NC. To me that would be
Hi there-
No, you are not crazy! You have perfectly normal thoughts I am certain many of us have felt this way at one time or another. You must do what is best for you, just follow your heart. Think very quietly with no distractions and you will know the answer to your question.
Personally, I am a closure kinda gal. I hate leaving things open ended. When ending my A I did send a quick note that it was over and I could no longer continue. I picked 3 qualities I liked the most about him mentioned those and why I appreciated them and finally wished him well. That was it. I can't say I felt any better about the situation, but I certainly felt as though I did the right thing for me. I was fortunate in that xAP is not a pushy type and did not contact me as per my request. I never thought he would. This was almost a year ago and things have gotten much better for me over that time. A process for sure.
If you follow what you
in a word: SO?
you have ended. do you think that xap/xmm would be caring if the tables were turned? nopers. he'd just go off whistling into the sunset. without a care in the world, you see.
there are no rules in A's and there certainly is no closure.
CL-Lovely Starr
"No memory of having starred; atones for later disregard; or keeps the end from being h