I know it's coming....
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I know it's coming....
| Sun, 03-07-2004 - 3:35am |
I've been in my A for almost a year.... I believe this man truly loves me and he means a lot for me. I've never thought I would get so deeply involved emotionally and after a year I would be going through something I had never experienced before...
I'm confused....I'm confused whether I had the right to fall in love with this man, whether being 28 and single was the right time to do so in the first place.
There are nights I cry myself to bed because I know(and always knew) this man would never leave his wife and kids and therefore cannot be with me....There are days I feel like there is a glass between me and his life..I just stand there and watch how he keeps going with his while I'm stuck.... I don't have any family and I never told anybody about A perhaps unability to do so finally got to me...
I know I should leave, I know that being young gives a moral obligation to look forward the future....and there is none in us...
It's an emotional roller coaster...I'm afraid to love this man, the more I do the more it hurts but I do.... I'm scared of being on my own again, I'm pretty independent it's just that I know how hard it is to find love..how do I give it up and turn away from the only person who is there for me? How do I do that???
I hope I don't sound like I feel sorry for myself...I truly don't know how to turn away from love...but at the same time...'What if I came to the end of my life and realized that I had spent every day watching for a man who would never come to me? What an unbearable sorrow it would be to realize I'd never really tasted things I'd eaten, or seen the places I'd been becuse I'd thought of nothing but him. And yet if I drew my thoughts back from him, what life would I have? I would be like a dancer who had prctised since childhood for a performance she would never give'
I feel so down today....hugs to you all
I'm confused....I'm confused whether I had the right to fall in love with this man, whether being 28 and single was the right time to do so in the first place.
There are nights I cry myself to bed because I know(and always knew) this man would never leave his wife and kids and therefore cannot be with me....There are days I feel like there is a glass between me and his life..I just stand there and watch how he keeps going with his while I'm stuck.... I don't have any family and I never told anybody about A perhaps unability to do so finally got to me...
I know I should leave, I know that being young gives a moral obligation to look forward the future....and there is none in us...
It's an emotional roller coaster...I'm afraid to love this man, the more I do the more it hurts but I do.... I'm scared of being on my own again, I'm pretty independent it's just that I know how hard it is to find love..how do I give it up and turn away from the only person who is there for me? How do I do that???
I hope I don't sound like I feel sorry for myself...I truly don't know how to turn away from love...but at the same time...'What if I came to the end of my life and realized that I had spent every day watching for a man who would never come to me? What an unbearable sorrow it would be to realize I'd never really tasted things I'd eaten, or seen the places I'd been becuse I'd thought of nothing but him. And yet if I drew my thoughts back from him, what life would I have? I would be like a dancer who had prctised since childhood for a performance she would never give'
I feel so down today....hugs to you all

What kind of life do you have now? What kind of love do you have now? He is in NO WAY to give himself to you completely, while you do so.....he is sucking the life from you, as he gets the best of both worlds...his mistress on the side (for passion and excitement) and his wife at home (to caretake him). What do you have? Is he there for you at the end of the long day, willing to hear you complain about your job? Is there for a foot massage or to bring you a glass of wine and say "lets just forget about your day", is he there to wake up with you on Christmas morning? New Years Morning?
What you most likely have are a few stolen moments that add up to almost nothing. Years will go by and will have nothing to show....no one to come home to, no children, no investments, no vacations. Is that what you want? Is that what you deserve?
I have no doubt that you love this man, to some extent. However, he is married...and he will not leave his wife...if he was going to, he would have done so already. You're 28 and single....gosh, you don't realize what a blessing that is...youth and being single. I know it seems insurmountable right now...but you can do this. You can find a single man...it might take some time, but he's there somewhere. However, you may need some time to heal your heart.
Take the time, come here to post, cry your heart out...because we ALL know how much this hurts.
good luck
dharma
Thank you dhrma.