I liked the darn jeans!
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| Sat, 09-18-2010 - 9:49am |
Hello gang,
I am feeling like starting a thread, I realize its the weekend and all but am hoping that I will give you ladies, especially the single ladies something to reflect on. For the newbies, I am a tweener, over 9 months NC, still here getting me back together, learning about myself. I have been well....still have rough patches but they have little to do wit him, more to do with me and my own self awareness. I still flag my behaviors and am keenly aware of my interactions with all people esp men, not MM.
So there is my rant...now to the point of the thread. Hope this is fun. Hope it makes us laugh. No doubt if we all chime in, we will have some good laughs...
I had these pair of jeans I loved. I wore em around exAp once and he commented how he did not like em. I was so hurt. I stuffed those jeans deep down in my closet. I hid em and I was never to wear them again. I like the darn jeans. What we do for a man when we think we are in love....whew. We will move the heavens and earth. Change our routine, change our appearance, drop everything just to see em. What a ding dong. The same applied to a bunch of clothing. It was his way to cut me down...sure he complemented me from time to time...but soon I was only wearing what he liked to see me in. NI honestly did not like some of the ugly shiz he had me wearing...
This is the funny part....this man did not like hair....so I was constantly having to shave. I have a odd shaped shower and I used to prop my legs up against the wall to get all those really tough spots to make sure i looked like a hairless child....one time the soap and the water got the best of me and I fell right on my back....It hurt like hell...but I layed there laughing and crying at the same time. I was ok....but man looking back....HILARIOUS!
The dumb things we do...the way we went above and beyond...the actresses we became. ALL SUCH A FARCE. One big fat phony fest........
List the funny/stupid/crazy thing that you did/or failed to do for exAP....it could be acting like you liked something you didnt.....even if it was just listening to him and all his baggage... I bet there are a lot of similarities and we will get a chuckle here and there....
Oh and by the way. I find those jeans recently and I still love em and I wear them and smile and feel like I own me and what I do and how I think of me...I gotta be true to myself. Never changing for anyone again. Take me as I am or have nothing at all.
Can not wait to see your posts...come on gang.....
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida

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How r you today Iggy? If u make that list of cons...n I am sure there are cons, you will find the times he made you feel like less than you were...I am not trying to stir up pain, trying to help you clear the fog.
Please let me know how you are as I am thinking of you.
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
Hi Luvin
Yeah Im hanging in there- by my teeth some days:(
Ive written that list and yes I am looking at it every morning to start my day of NC. I still seem to gloss over that list though and think nice thoughts of him. I read somewhere that this is a natural part of the grieving process.- I just wish this stage would hurry up and pass!
So what does your signature mean??
Iggyx
My parents are from the island of Puerto Rico, Its a Spanish slogan. Means I am the captain of my life...I am running and it and not allowing someone else to do so. And I am responsible for it all, good and bad. No playing victim to anything or anyone. I determine my day, not exAP. If I have a bad day. Its all mine....
Get it? U should come up with a quote or a mantra....it helps, me anyway.
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
Iggy,
Garfy
NC since 13 September 2010 and trying to feel great...
Fate d
Oh, he was Chicken Burrito for a long time :) I will never forget walking away from that stupid restaurant with him going, "Happy birthday!"
Really?! I never expected gifts from him, I truly didn't. I didn't expect him to buy me things, not even for my birthday, because the fact is, I was NOT his wife, I wasn't the woman in his life he was supposed to be buying gifts for, and I knew that . . .
But a chicken burrito?! I think I would have preferred nothing.
I also used several other names for him in my phone, including DO NOT ANSWER and TOXIC. It never really helped ME in the long run, but I think it's a good idea--it might help some people!
by xxiced
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
Amberskies,
I love the time and detail in your post, I am hoping getting all that out helped you. I too did a lot of the same crap you did...before I know the man was M and even after. He stayed with me for about two weeks before I know he was M....I did not know for most of our relationship
He insisted on Lever 2000 soap bars. I had not used a actual bar of soap in years.
He insisted on certain types of shaving cream
I used Tide detergent, my mom passed that on to me....one of those things you remember as a kid and just sticks with you. He wants all his clothes washed in Gain...so like a ding dong. I start using Gain.
I recently used the last of that Gain, it sat in the back of my laundry room for months. I just used the last of it to wash some dirty towels....it was cool to pour it in the wash and throw the container in the recycling bin....it was like he was washed away forever.
He also had to have certain shavers...to shave his already spotted up on head...He had begun to bald so he wanted to become completely hairless and went to have some procedure done and it scarred up his head...this was before I met him...one time my son who was 9 at the time said "what are those marks all over you head?" I about fell out of my chair laughing....LOL...
He had to have his shirts hung, not dried and they had to be ironed a certain way. I was a fool. I performed these things and I bought all these things in my home so he would feel at home and the SOB already had a home. I am not mad, just happy I have learned my lesson...
MY lesson, never change your life around for no man unless you know (and I do mean know for sure) that he is worth it.....and I am of course speaking of single guys....
I am not saying you can not compromise things do things for someone...just stay true to yourself and what you like or not, otherwise you can lose yourself to a relationship and then poof your gone and your living for someone else. Very sad.
Hope everyone is enjoying a NC Tuesday!
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
Dear Luvin,
I had enjoyed this thread so much - in terms of reflecting back to me my own idiotic behaviour during the affair. I could related to every post. I can't believe how many things I changed about myself to appease him. In my case, it was nothing explicit that he asked of me, but those little comments that give you the heads up about what they would prefer. I also learned to be almost the exact opposite of his W - she was a 'nag', I wasn't, she wasn't sexual, well hey, I became a penthouse plaything, oh and wait - she also had dignity, self-respect and integrity - things I threw away to ensure he stuck by my side. Wouldn't wanna lose that prize. There are some really degrading things I did for/with him too - that this thread brought those to the forefront again.
Shaking my head in embarrassment as I sit here with hairy legs, stinky armpits, my favorite jeans on, which look fabulous by the way, with my matching zebra shirt and shoes.
And I love it. I am me again - only new and improved.
TU.
LC/NC since April 14, 2010
"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou
"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou
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