I made fool out of myself !

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2004
I made fool out of myself !
5
Tue, 07-06-2004 - 10:52am
Hugs to all who are hurting as much as I am .

After alomost 2 weeks of NC ,I called him I texted him .

Yesterday to my surprise he actually called back .

I was very nervous 2 answer . So- I didnt hoping I would talk 2 him later .

He made it a point to say he was busy as he always does and that he will try and call

later . ( never did ) Of corse I lost it and called him , texted him just pouring

my heart out . This guy is a real jerk and has even told ne that .

But- I can't get him off my mind . Should I be posting here will it help me ?

I am off from work today with NO plans .

It's been almost a year now and I am still holding on with a little

bit of hope ....

Jersey Girl .........

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2004
Tue, 07-06-2004 - 4:26pm
Oh, I've been a fool myself with my xMM and not just once either. I do still feel love for him and I do feel I want to be with him, (I cannot lie to myself about this, I would only be in denial of my feelings.) but currently the pain is so much greater than any small pleasure I derive when I am with him. The pain is just not worth it for me. It hurts too much. I have no healthy reason to remain in a relationship with my xMM. It has slowly and progressively eaten away at my self-esteem.

In the past, each time I called him, I found I was building up his ego, not my own. Each time he returned my call, it was again, for his own needs. My wake-up call came the day I realized the focus of all our talks were mostly about his desires, his needs, his wants, his pain, his schedule, his loss, his wife, his children, his dreams, his fantasies, his goals, his his his... When I ended my EA, all his emails focused on how it affected him, and if he did bring up how he thought it may be affecting me, it always included himself, i.e., "are you sad because of me?"

If you cannot end all method of communication with him, try to end one at time. One reason I refuse to have any phone contact with my xMM is because I am most vulnerable with this method of communication. To hear his voice at this point would totally weaken any progress I've made thus far. So, I refuse any phone contact, and I have blocked him from my IM as well. I still receive email from him, and I do admit to having written him, but the tone in both of our emails has changed dramatically (no I love you's, just narrative stuff--almost like we are hanging on to a dead tree--time to let go!). I feel this last connection I have with him will too have to end--the sooner the better. I do make sure I do not use any loving nicknames I used to for him. I write to him at arms length so to speak. I know he feels my distance, he remarks on it, and although he hates it, he is starting to realize it is truly over. He's letting go too (kicking and screaming at times), and this last connection is a small way for us to say goodbye--for good. We were never great at emailing each other, so this connection is a "cold" one for us, which helps in ending the relationship in and of itself. A dead and cold ending for a dead and cold relationship--oops--sorry for the bitterness--it's just my moment of truth I am sharing. Thanks for listening, ~ifm

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2004
Tue, 07-06-2004 - 4:27pm
Hi LLL! I am a Jersey Girl too!

Anyway, I would seriously think if this guy is worth all of your emotions. It sounds, from what you posted, that he is a jerk, and if he *is* a jerk, why would you invest yourself in him to the point where you are in so much pain?

As I recently began NC myself, I know firsthand how hard it is to accept that these guys are only in the A for themselves. You have to take back control and do what is right for YOU. It will hurt, and it will be hard, but you will find strength here to get through it.

You need to keep yourself busy, either with friends, running errands, going to the movies, ANYTHING to keep you from writing to or calling OM.

Let us know how you are doing, and remember, we are here for you!

((hugs))

Circe

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2004
Tue, 07-06-2004 - 4:32pm
VERY WELL SAID!!! I completely agree with everything iforgiveme wrote. It is completely right-on target for my A as well...it was always about OM, and I was almost secondary in the A.

But iforgiveme is right, take BABY steps. Begin the NC gradually if you have to, that is what I did, just like iforgiveme. I ended phone contact first too, then text messages, now I am working on e-mail. But you have to do what is right for you, and what makes *YOU* feel strong.

Best of luck!

((hugs))

Circe

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2004
Mon, 07-19-2004 - 12:59am
I do the same exact thing with my MM! When he calls me, I try and I mean really try to ignore his call...then less than 20 mins later I'm calling him back making some excuse like, Oh I was in the other room." Then he is such a jerk to me when I don't "say the responses he wants to hear"; then I feel guilty but I can't tell him how I feel because he is just too busy to listen or he doesn't respond emtionally (which makes me feel small). Tell me does this happen to you sometimes... when my MM calls me and tells me, "we need to get together because I sense you don't want me anymore" moments before you go to meet up with him-- he calls and cancels on you then makes it seem like it's your fault! Oh how frustrating.

How do you deal with it? Sometimes I want to just forget about him and ignore him. Ignoring his calls doesn't seem to help me, and when I try to seem like I'm too busy for him I get treated bad-- no phones calls for days, short conversations and plently of guilt trips! It's a lose/lose situation..lol But hearing other womens' stories help me find strengh to laugh at my silliness and make that slow step towards freedom.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Mon, 07-19-2004 - 4:42pm
HI Jersey

Hon I got to tell you this MM sounds like a class A jerk, a real USER, DO YOURSELF A FAVOR AND KICK HIM TO THE CURB.

Good luck

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