I made fool out of myself !
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I made fool out of myself !
| Tue, 07-06-2004 - 10:52am |
Hugs to all who are hurting as much as I am .
After alomost 2 weeks of NC ,I called him I texted him .
Yesterday to my surprise he actually called back .
I was very nervous 2 answer . So- I didnt hoping I would talk 2 him later .
After alomost 2 weeks of NC ,I called him I texted him .
Yesterday to my surprise he actually called back .
I was very nervous 2 answer . So- I didnt hoping I would talk 2 him later .
He made it a point to say he was busy as he always does and that he will try and call
later . ( never did ) Of corse I lost it and called him , texted him just pouring
my heart out . This guy is a real jerk and has even told ne that .
But- I can't get him off my mind . Should I be posting here will it help me ?
I am off from work today with NO plans .
It's been almost a year now and I am still holding on with a little
bit of hope ....
Jersey Girl .........

In the past, each time I called him, I found I was building up his ego, not my own. Each time he returned my call, it was again, for his own needs. My wake-up call came the day I realized the focus of all our talks were mostly about his desires, his needs, his wants, his pain, his schedule, his loss, his wife, his children, his dreams, his fantasies, his goals, his his his... When I ended my EA, all his emails focused on how it affected him, and if he did bring up how he thought it may be affecting me, it always included himself, i.e., "are you sad because of me?"
If you cannot end all method of communication with him, try to end one at time. One reason I refuse to have any phone contact with my xMM is because I am most vulnerable with this method of communication. To hear his voice at this point would totally weaken any progress I've made thus far. So, I refuse any phone contact, and I have blocked him from my IM as well. I still receive email from him, and I do admit to having written him, but the tone in both of our emails has changed dramatically (no I love you's, just narrative stuff--almost like we are hanging on to a dead tree--time to let go!). I feel this last connection I have with him will too have to end--the sooner the better. I do make sure I do not use any loving nicknames I used to for him. I write to him at arms length so to speak. I know he feels my distance, he remarks on it, and although he hates it, he is starting to realize it is truly over. He's letting go too (kicking and screaming at times), and this last connection is a small way for us to say goodbye--for good. We were never great at emailing each other, so this connection is a "cold" one for us, which helps in ending the relationship in and of itself. A dead and cold ending for a dead and cold relationship--oops--sorry for the bitterness--it's just my moment of truth I am sharing. Thanks for listening, ~ifm
Anyway, I would seriously think if this guy is worth all of your emotions. It sounds, from what you posted, that he is a jerk, and if he *is* a jerk, why would you invest yourself in him to the point where you are in so much pain?
As I recently began NC myself, I know firsthand how hard it is to accept that these guys are only in the A for themselves. You have to take back control and do what is right for YOU. It will hurt, and it will be hard, but you will find strength here to get through it.
You need to keep yourself busy, either with friends, running errands, going to the movies, ANYTHING to keep you from writing to or calling OM.
Let us know how you are doing, and remember, we are here for you!
((hugs))
Circe
But iforgiveme is right, take BABY steps. Begin the NC gradually if you have to, that is what I did, just like iforgiveme. I ended phone contact first too, then text messages, now I am working on e-mail. But you have to do what is right for you, and what makes *YOU* feel strong.
Best of luck!
((hugs))
Circe
How do you deal with it? Sometimes I want to just forget about him and ignore him. Ignoring his calls doesn't seem to help me, and when I try to seem like I'm too busy for him I get treated bad-- no phones calls for days, short conversations and plently of guilt trips! It's a lose/lose situation..lol But hearing other womens' stories help me find strengh to laugh at my silliness and make that slow step towards freedom.
Hon I got to tell you this MM sounds like a class A jerk, a real USER, DO YOURSELF A FAVOR AND KICK HIM TO THE CURB.
Good luck
Free