I messed up

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2004
I messed up
4
Tue, 01-18-2005 - 5:38pm

Survive,

I really deserve and WANT to be blasted so please let me have it. I put a picture of myself along with xMM's rosary in the mail to him. Today he called me at work using a phoney name with the receptionist so I took the call. He said he knew that if I put something in the envelope besides the rosary then it meant that I hadn't let go of him yet. Yes I *wanted* this to happen.

He came over to the office and we spent about 4 hours together. (we hadn't seen each other for 4 months) At the very end I kissed him and we made out and I stopped him but he would have had sex with me in the office if I had let him. I told him about the new guy who I am making dinner for tonight.

The whole time xMM and I were together walking to lunch holding my hand I was looking over my shoulder because I was afraid NG would see us. How F3###up is that? The bottom line of the conversation seemed to be in his mind was that he still loves me but I am moving on with a NG. He still wants to be with me SOMEDAY. Then he was saying will you unblock me on your email--I said no--will you call me this afternoon--I said no--then why did I come to see you--I said I don't know--he said you have to come to me---I said no, you dumped me---he said then what do I do---I said you know what you have to do (meaning ACTIONS)

So now I have to make dinner for NG and he is SO SWEET to me. I feel like I violated my new relationship. What do I do now?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
In reply to: survive4
Tue, 01-18-2005 - 8:09pm

Survive

"I feel like I violated my new relationship. What do I do now?"

Leave him alone if your only going to break his heart and his faith in women.

BY THE BY regardless of what anyone one else tells you XMM now sees you as a total sucker who he can continue to play with when it suits him, so are you going to let him or are you going to grow up and start acting like a real woman ????????????

Avatar for mikkolover
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2003
In reply to: survive4
Wed, 01-19-2005 - 5:56am
I totally agree on this one. So you got the reaction you wanted. congratualtions, do you feel proud of yourself, that he came back to get some? Any dog runs back to get some more, when its on display. It sounds like you aren't ready to be in a R with anyone now. You obviously aren't over MM. So either f him and start is all up again, or really just be a freaking woman with some self-control and get your head straight before messing up NG's image of women. It only takes one person to f up anyone's idea of certain types of people. Don't do that. Tell him you thought you were ready ( but making out with MM isn't ready sweetie ) and tell him you are so sorry, but you are confused. Make no doubt about it, you are!!1
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2004
In reply to: survive4
Wed, 01-19-2005 - 8:46am

Thank you for your replies--I didn't like to hear it but I needed to. I know I was wrong. xMM already mailed me back the rosary because he said it is mine now. It was just a ploy to get me to communicate with him. xMM is DEVASTATED because I told him all about NG and I feel like I got my revenge on him. I told him that new guy is
1. Positive about everything
2. Really likes me
3. A Christian
4. A good person, father, etc.
5. Makes more money than xMM (xMM always bragged about his money)
6. 45 (xMM is 55)

Anyway, I could tell that when I told him these things it was like stabbing him in the heart. But I didn't do it to hurt him, I was just telling him the truth and that I was moving on. Yes I am not over him. I may never be all the way over him. But I have made a lot of progress. He kept saying that we would be together but my point was if you don't do something soon, I will be with someone new. I was able to smile and laugh and be strong with xMM for the first time and show him that I am moving on and I am NOT IN PAIN over him tonight. I know it was wrong to make out--I can't get out of that. But I still feel like I had the power back.

I came clean with NG about the A because I didn't want him to think that I am someone I'm not (I didn't tell him I saw xMM) NG said that he wants me to let go and forgive myself that I have been beating myself up for long enough and its time to move on for me, for my kids, and he says that for his and my relationship to progress I need to put it behind me. He was so wonderful and kind and when I was with him I didn't think of xMM at all. I WILL NOT hurt him. I WILL NOT be a liar and cheat anymore.

So please support me to start the NC again. This was only the 5th date with NG, but I am praying to God thanking him for being so good as to bring me this person when I was so sad all year and thought I would be alone for the rest of my life. And this person is such a good person. I cannot spit in the face of God and his gift to me. Please help me and support me to be strong and to DO THE RIGHT THING.

Survive

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
In reply to: survive4
Wed, 01-19-2005 - 11:47am

Survive

It sounds like screwed on right.

This may be considered wrong but dump the rosary, it is only a link to him, give it the church are what ever works but XMM should never see it again.

THEN TOTAL NO CONTACT PERIOD

"I WILL NOT be a liar and cheat anymore"

Remember those words, you have already pushed hard on the limits with NG even if he does not know it, so don't blow it.

Free