I messed up again
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I messed up again
| Sun, 10-25-2009 - 1:13am |
So I sent my x-ap a message on myspace. I don't know why. I don't want to see him anymore but it is just something that makes me do stupid things. I keep putting myself out there for him only to end up hurt or ignored . I know I deserve more. I know my husband deserves for me to be completely committed to this relationship. I have canceled my myspace account. I wish I ha someone on here that would be willing to serve as someone I could talk to regularly about my feelings just to her things off my chest until I can get strong enough not to act on my impulses.

I'm right with you....2 weeks since i made the decision to end it.
Hi desperate,
I vividly remember those feelings. It's hard to get hurt over and over again, and not have the fleeting 'high' anymore. Kudos to you for cancelling your MySpace!! You are definitely on the right track.
What really helped me the first weeks was a document I wrote entitled 'The Code Book'. It was my own personal version of the 'MM Code Book' on here. I detailed all the lies he told me and what they really meant. After that I wrote a long letter to myself telling me that I was a wonderful person and deserved much better than to be in this situation. The first few weeks, every time I felt like breaking NC I would read and re-read my 'Code Book'. I read it several times a day. Remembering all the lies was like a cold shower, it would take all the longing right out of me and strengthen my resolve :)
You have a whole bunch of wonderful people to talk to right here :) post as much as you want!
big hugs,
trixie xo
"Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about learning to dance in the rain.”